Spoilers for Parks and Rec Season Seven and The Entirety of A Song of Ice and Fire and A Game of Thrones and Pretty Much Everything Ever
The Grand Multiverse Conspiracy: Part 1: Why Daenerys “Khaleesi” Targaryen Will Marry Jack Sparrow
A while ago, one of television’s funniest shows, Parks and Recreation, aired it’s final season. Little did we realize that this show about the Parks Department of Pawnee, Indiana would spoil one of Game of Thrones‘ biggest plot twists: Khaleesi (Daenerys) marries Jack Sparrow in the season six finale.
Now, this may sound far-fetched, but this comedy series has completely hit the nail on the head. Join me, as I explain how Jack Sparrow of the Pirates of the Caribbean marries Daenerys Targaryen Stormborn of Game of Thrones (And A Song of Ice and Fire).
There are a few well known and compelling A Song of Ice and Fire theories; R+L=J, Jojen Paste, Tyrion being a secret Targ and son of Aerys Targaryen. But there is one theory that makes everything make sense, that Varys is actually a magical Merman who is plotting to bring the Targs back to power and flood some parts of the world to increase Merman land. Why else would he help Tyrion out? Because he know he’s a secret Targ! The second head of the dragon! But that’s beside the point, let me explain why Varys is indeed a Merman (Littlefinger is one too, but that’s also besides the point.)
We never see what’s under Varys’ robes, his room has no bed, and he has access to the Red Keep’s sewers. This irrefutable evidence validates Varys existence as a Merman.
As a merman, Varys has access to secret underwater information networks and magic. As is it is known, underwater, Merman use the power of song to shift time and space to their will. Why have we never heard Varys sing? Because a merman can only sing underwater. And if he sung, it would completely blow his cover! (And break time and space as we know it and completely derail the plot. Mermen are scary.)
Now, merman are interesting beings. They have a strong communal society, and focus on the survival of the entire species. They are very Marxist. (Hence the name Varys Marx) Since the revival of magic on Planetos, they can now use their networks to cross worlds and bridge gaps between universes; specifically using the Grand Merman Information Highway (GMIH).
Now Varys, having access to the GMIH, knows about people he can use to help Daenerys fight for the throne, secure Targaryen rule, and insure the Merman survival. It’s not krakens or sea serpents, he can use but men. And one man in particular will insure Daenerys successful return to power. One man has been part of Varys plan since the beginning.
Pirates of The Caribbean supposedly takes place in earth. But how can this be? The first movie, The Curse of the Black Pearl (PotC: tCotBP), show us Zombie pirates. Then the next movie has an evil squid dude and a giant kraken beast. However, one of the most striking things are the mermaids in Pirates of the Caribean: On Stranger Tides (PotC: OST). Mermaids don’t exist on earth. But there is one place they exist, and this place is where mermaids came from. That’s right, mermaids aren’t really mermaids, but mermen from Planetos! Those merpeople in PotC: OST were Plantosi.
The mermen were sent by Varys via the GMIH to find a way to reclaim this man, Jack Sparrow from earth. Jack Sparrow has a lot to offer Dany. He can fight with a sword. He has learned seven different languages, and he could offer her the technology of pistols and bring about an industrial revolution to insure her success in taking Westeros. Jack will teach Daenerys, inturn, how to sword fight. He will empower her so that she can try to brutally and dramatically slay her secret Twin brother Jon Snow and his army of white walkers and become the true heir to Westeros. Fire melts ice after all. After all: R + L = J = Ice < A + R = D = Fire (Please note I worked really hard on this equation.)
Further, there is a shocking secret about Jack Sparrow that only Varys and his Mermen know. He is of Old Valeria. He is the Third Head of the Dragon, and, as we know, the dragon must have three heads. This shocking twist also insures Jack’s marriage to Daenerys.
Let us question how Jack got Targ blood. It’s simple. He is actually Aegon Targaryen. And the reason he is so old is because the GMIH caused an acute time dilation that forced Jack to experience times faster outside of Planetos.
This is why we don’t have Young Griff on Game of Thrones. Benioff and Weiss decided to skip GRRM’s complex, intricate, and hard-to-show-on-screen reveal of Young Griff as being Jack Sparrow in addition to his reveal as Aegon Targaryen. Instead of a slow introduction, we will get a quick, heart piercing, and cinematic plot twist in the show.
Now eventually Daenerys and Jack Sparrow will have to meet up. Since I don’t yet have the rest of the books, I will have to use other means to know how they meet. So I talked to Craig, my neighborhood’s local sentient crystal ball, I now have a clear understanding of how Jack meets Daenerys.
Okay, envision Braavos. With the help of Missandei, who happens to be a secret faceless man and child of the forest that is helping Daenerys to take over the world, Daenerys captures Braavos under her banner. Varys, seeing that Daenerys is reaching her full potential (She’s nearing level 100 at this point.), activates Plan JS (Jack Sparrow), and sends word down the GMIH to bring him to Planetos, to his home. This is then, that Jon Connington (who just so happens to also be a Merman), abducts Jack Sparrow from earth and brings him to Bravos using his inherent merman powers and cgi effects. In Braavos, Varys will manipulate events to have Daenerys meet Jack as a potential suitor and general of her army. Now Daenersy won’t just marry him, and initially rejects Jack. However, Jack says he doesn’t care anyway. This intrigues Daenerys, who then gives an ultimatum; if Jack helps her and Tyrion (at this point Daenerys realizes he’s her secret half-brother and the second head of the dragon) to conquer all of Westeros using his technology and sword skills, then she will marry him.
This sets off Daenery’s capture of Westros. King’s Landing will be taken over first, then Storm’s End, and soon all of southern Westros submits to the combined powers of the Three Heads of the Dragon, Tyrion Lannister, Daenerys ‘Khaleesi’ Targaryen, and Jack Sparrow.
“What about Jon?” you are probably asking. “R + L = J, he’s the secret Targ you fool. He must be the third head of a dragon”. Well yes he is, but he will have his hands full, since he is being invaded and controlled by non-other than Cthulhu!
The Grand Multiverse Conspiracy Part 2: How Cthulhu Is Leading the White Walkers, the Three Eyed Raven, and Euron Greyjoy, and Will Corrupt Jon Snow
We know Jack Sparrow will marry Daenerys “Khaleesi” Targaryen. But also, Cthulhu is manipulating the white walker to take other Westeros. Preposterous, right. The old gods are clearly the one controlling the White Walkers. Well…..
As it just so turns out, Cthulhu and the rest of the elder gods are actually the old gods of the North! Consider this. What are the synonyms of old? Elder. The Elder Gods! When Daenerys reawakened magic in the world by hatching her dragons, she did something else much more terrifying. Much more worse. She awakened the elder gods. So now Cthulhu is fully awake, and will bring another endless night. How? With White Walkers.
Cthulhu and his elder buddies are trying take over the world using the powers of warging. Their main method of taking over the art warging is none other than the Three-Eyed-Raven himself, and soon, Bran. Those white roots that cover and keep the Three-Eyed-Raven in his cave aren’t really roots, but something even more sinister. They are the tentacles of Cthulhu himself. (That only look white because of the weird lighting in the cave of the Children.)
The Three Eyed Raven isn’t the only person being manipulated by the elder gods. There are other who have sold their souls out to them. This explains why Roose Bolton is a vampire. He is supporting the elder ones in exchange for theoretical immortality. Also, as a vampire he has been able to insure that everything is being set in motion for is gods’ revival. Why else do you think Winterfell is snowed in? It’s not weather patterns, but the support of the gods so Roose can turn everyone else into a vampire and spread his vampiric influence all over Westeros.
This conspiracy delves even deeper though. Over into one great house, the Greyjoys. What is their sigil? Is it an evil Greek spider lady?
No. An underwater snail?
No , an Ood?
Closer , but NO, it’s a squid! Which can only imply the Greyjoy’s true allegiance lies with none other than Cthulhu. As ASoIaF theorist PoorQuentyn notes about a particular Greyjoy: “Euron Greyjoy wants to do more than rule the Iron Islands; he wants to do more than raid and pillage; he wants to do more even than ‘take Westeros.’ He wants to resurrect the Valyrian Empire using the Others as his shock troops (‘cold as ice’)”. Therefore, under the power of the Elder Gods, the Greyjoys will become the De-Facto kings of Westeros, Roose Bolten will get to always be a vampire, and the Three-Eyed-Raven and Bran will act as spies in the totalitarian rule of Westeros.
Still there is one other person potentially susceptible to elder god control, Jon Snow. While he is the potential third head of the dragon, he still is half Stark. (R+L=J) Further, his warging abilities make him a tempting target for dark side corruption.
The cause of him turning to the dark side is the culmination of several events leading to the ultimate face-heal turn. Cthulhu will, acting under the guise of the lord of light, empower Melisandre to sacrifice Shireen and revive John Snow. Melisandre, realizing she just used the power of Elder Gods, will have a crisis of conscious and leave the Wall. Then she’ll be involved with the singing power of Lady Gaga and Sansa (Which I elaborate more on in Then The Grand Multiverse Theory Part 3. How Lady Gaga helps Sansa use her song Born This Way to unite all of Planetos and become empowered).
Regardless, Jon Snow will be freed from his vows since he was killed, and allowed to wage war against the Boltons. Unfortunately just as he does so Euron Greyjoy will blow the Horn of Joramun and make The Wall collapse like a set of dominoes.
Jon will then be captured by the Night King and taken to the cave where Bran is. There he will be offered the choice to join Elder Gods and restore Westeros to their power. Jon will be hesitant, but then his true parentage will be revealed. He is the son of Lyanna Stark and Rhaegar Targaryen. (Who saw that coming?) Since he is a Stark and Targeryen, he has access to both fire and ice magic (Is also Dragon/Ice type), and he can only master these powers if he joins Cthulhu and takes over the world. Jon agrees, since he doesn’t really have anything else to do with the Watch being completely destroyed and all. As he agrees, one of his eyes turns into ice to subtly show how he’s evil now. In addition he types changes from Dragon/Ice to Dark/Ice, since he’s going to the Dark Side. Subtlety is a hard art to master.
So now Jon will warg into a giant squid, and find himself in Euron Greyjoy’s army. Then he will use his powers to lay siege to Braavos. As this point in the story Daenerys just conquered it. Fortunately she uses the power of industrial technology gained from Jack Sparrow to defeat Euron’s fleet. Euron, the Boltons, High Septon Howland Reed (Yes, he’s part of this too. He made that promise to Ned and all.), and Littlefinger (I wonder what could he’s up to? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ) all meet up at Winterfell and discuss the problem. Here it is revealed that the Mermen are longtime enemies of the elder gods, and that their cosmic and endless battle has now come to play itself out on Planetos. All of this of course stems from an ancient feud between the two involving some burrowed sugar and misaimed magical death rays.
Jon as some reservations about working with the Bolton’s, and still maintains an inner struggle. He stares at his unaltered eye in a mirror, and feels that deep down, this is wrong. Something has twisted the world, pulling apart and remaking the timeline, and is forcing him to do this.
Still he goes and joins the meeting in Winterfell. There is set up the series’ most ginormous battle. This amazing battle will take place where it all began, King’s Landing. Jon Snow, Bran, and Cthulhu will fight against Daenerys, Jack Sparrow, the Mermen, a bunch of dragons, Tyrion Lannister, and Arya Stark. This will be the battle of Ice and Fire.
Just as the Armies are depleted, as the ships are sunk, as the dragons dance with Cthulhu, Daenerys “Khaleesi” Targaryen will stand before Jon Snow. With Ice the sword in hand and expert training from Jack Sparrow, she will stare into the ice eye of her cousin. As Jon uses Blizzard to attack her with his hands, Daenerys will evade and use Flamethrower using Ice (Ice and Fire! Symbolism!). Being an Dark/Ice type, Flamethrower is a super effective move on Jon, and he’s close to fainting with only 1 HP left. Since Daenerys ability is Speed Boost, she gets 1.5% speed every turn. This make it so Daenerys is faster as she uses Icicle Crash on Jon using Ice (Despite being a Dragon/Fire type, Daenerys got to learn Icicle Crash by gaining Ice as a sword.) However, just as she’s about to deal the final blow, Sansa screams “Stop”. Daenerys is distracted enough that Jon can evade, however, just as he starts to use Dark Pulse, he stares at Sansa.
With a smile on her face Sansa will sing her heart out with a very special song taught to by a new friend:
“My momma told me when I was young, we’re all born superstars!”
The Grand Multiverse Theory Part 3. How Lady Gaga helps Sansa Uses Her song Born This Way to Unite All of Planetos and Become Empowered!!!
Sansa’s Born This Way journey takes place at the wall. While walking around aimlessly in a castle, a random CGI letter falls from the sky and hits her on the head. Shocked, she opens it up. It says the following:
Dear Sansa Stark
The time is near. Your brother will soon be slain by Daenerys and her accursed beloved Jack Sparrow. However, there is a way for you to stop this. Enclosed are the directions for summoning a powerful muse who help you save your family. I will send you some of the necessary ingredients in a barrel soon.
Sansa will immediately be suspicious and stare intently at the letter. However, she will then read the instructions:
How to summon an idol:
- Step One: Gather Three Bread Crumbs, Ten Pickled Fish, a Dornish Snake aged in a box, the cape as red as blood, and a ten-year-old fairy cactus with glued on flowers.
- Step Two: Bring a vat full of water to boil.
- Step Three: Read the next step.
- Step Four: Pour everything in and mix
- Step Five: Say the magic Pig Latin words: eThay agondray ashay eethray eadshay andyay isthay ellspay isyay inyay igPay atinLay.
- Step Six: Follow the idol’s instructions.
After she reads the instructions a giant barrel will roll down the hallway Sansa is in and stop at her feet. Astonished, she props the barrel up and looks into it. There are some of the ingredients, the ten pickled fish, the snake, and a ten year old fairy cactus.
Amazed, Sansa then runs through Castle Black, into the mess hall. There she looks for three bread crumbs. It is there she sees her BFF Melisandre. She notices her red blood cape, and realizes she has to one last ingredient she needs.
She asks Melisandre to help her, and she says “Of course Sansa!” and of course Mellisandre would help her. Since she’s an ENFJ, and ENFJs help people because of their extraverted feeling function. Science!
So with the bread crumbs, Sansa and Melisandre walk back to the hallway where Sansa left the barrel and letter. Thankfully, no one stole anything. They then store the supplies in their inventories(the one’s used by all of those RPGs) and walk into an empty room with moody lighting.
They follow the instructions. Mel does most of the work though, since she has experience with magic. She add every ingredient but the robe. Then Mel strips, and flashes the audience. However, it isn’t gratuitous fanservice that completely derailing her character, objectifies her as a women and adds nothing to the plot. Because she
didn’t really have had to throw in for the compeltely arbitrary and made of reason of needing a red cape, and it just so happens she for no reason whatsoever doesn’t have any spares. Because of blatant fanservice.
It is then that Sansa says the immortal words: eThay agondray ashay eethray eadshay andyay isthay ellspay isyay inyay igPay atinLay. The words fill her with such power and she thinks about her family and what that she mean to her. Sansa’s want is so authentic and true, that it changes the laws of space time and brings into Planetos Lady Gaga herself. She appears in front of Mel and Sansa, and first is all like: What? Where am I? But the moment Lady Gaga sees Sansa, she knows what she has to do, and speaks to Sansa.
LG: The world is falling apart, I can sense it. The battle of good and evil rages on. You need the power of a song, both good and evil. A song that represents the power of acceptance, individuality, and unity. Let me teach you this song.
It is then that Lady Gaga forms a telepathic connection with Sansa. Sansa is then connected to all pop stars of the multiverse. She then learns the song and is given the power of pop. She again finds herself in Castle Black, staring at Lady Gaga.
LG: You know what to do.
Sansa founds herself in a blank space. As she stares around, the images of the world become clearer. She see Cthulhu fighting Drogon. She sees Jack Sparrow dueling with a bear warged by Bran. She sees Varys using his merman powers to drown White Walkers. But most importantly, she sees her brother Jon about to be slain by his cousin: Daenerys. Just as Daenerys uses icicle crash, Sansa screams, “Stop!”
Every one stares at her.
“My momma told me when I was young. We are born superstars!”
Jon, Daenerys, and everyone will be all like “WTF?” They all see Lady Gaga standing upright Melisandre(who has her clothes back), with Sansa front and center, in front of the smoldering remains of the Iron Throne. (It blew up, just like Poor Quentyn thought it would.).
But Sansa will continue, “She rolled my hair and put my lipstick on. In the glass of her boudoir.”
At this point the Born This Way trio dance with sudden and intense choreography. Sansa continues to belt out power notes. She approaches the main chorus. “Listen to me when I say!” At this point Sansa taps into something powerful. The intrinsic ability of musical numbers. Soon, like a virus, everyone is compelled to dance with her. “I’m beautiful in my way. ‘Cause god makes no mistakes. I’m on the right track baby I was born this way!” As Sansa dances throughout the Red Keep, the immense influence of music begins to shake the very foundation of King’s Landing. Soon every crook, every bullied person, every man, every women, every child, plant, fruit, and mutated sewage rat sings and dances along with Sansa. This magic built up from such powerful singing lets Sansa and Her Posse of Dancers (Here on out referred to as SaHPoF) randomly teleport around Kings Landing. Highborn, lowborn, White Walker, it makes absolutely no difference. The hundreds of years of built up suppression, systematic classism, patriarchy, sexism, xenophobia, anuptaphobia, wiccaphobia, selachophobia, and all other phobias and judgments against individual interest are washed away without any repercussions whatsoever!!!
The power of Born This Way spreads throughout Westeros like a plague. SaHPoF finds power in the Vale. Tight dancing takes place on the mountains and the fingers. The pure magic of the dance will reinvigorate the riverlands to their beautiful prewar state. Rude bias will melt away from the North. The long winter will end and flowers and magical pixies and new species of sunflowers will sprout up.
Other major characters inevitably get involved as the SaHPoF travels. Brienne, Ellaria, Sam Tarly, and even Cthulhu all realize that they are all special snowflakes that all deserve lemon cakes and love!
Sansa finishes the song. It all ends where it started, and the Red Keep. Everyone once where they were, the experience of the song still reverberating in their minds.
This creates an excess of musical magic. This magic is intensified for being in such powerful beings as Jack Sparrow, Cthulhu, Lady Gaga, Sansa, and everyone else. To put in more scientific terms, Planetos is a teapot boiling with magic. The pressure created from this magic is building up, and about to be quickly released back into the universe, and be used to improve the whole thing. But just as this beautiful process takes place, he shows up. Walking out of the shadows, with an evil book in hand, comes none other than that man of the fingers. Littlefinger walks out with an intense swagger. He then quotes the accursed words from an accursed book: “Iyay amyay ethay otaltay odgay ofyay aoschay andyay otholesplay ownay. aHay ahay. aosChay isyay ayay addahlay!!!”.
The Grand Multiverse Conspiracy Part 4: Littlefinger, Arianne Martell, and the Fate of the Entire Multiverse
The combination of the overt and raw emotional magic caused by the combination of song Born This Way, The Elders Gods, and the raw power of dragons, and the perfect alignment of the stars, creates an overwhelming amount of power that tears the naked fabric of time and space apart. This power shall form the God of Chaos and Stupidity, the God of Plot Holes and Illogical Stories. The mystical shock-waves caused by this deadly cocktail of moody mystical magic will rock and weaken the barriers between all universes, turning the multiverse into an even bigger universe (ever so slightly improving the housing market worldwide).
This chaos shall be produced by the God of Hyper Chaos. This being shall be formed from none other than that man. The man who thrives on chaos. The man who climbs the ladder.
It is he who created the plot holes, manipulated events, and made it possible for Sansa to sing Born This Way. Using a time turner, Little Finger has completely derailed and destroyed the plot, introducing ridiculous things to mangle the timeline. Why else would Game of Thrones so strayed from the books? The resulting plot inconsistences in combination with the raw magic of Born This Way while give Littlefinger the ultimate power.
Just as Sansa and co. finish their song and choreography, he recite from a book. This tome, stolen from the halls of Unseen University itself via the channels of L space itself, contains a spell, The Ultimate Spell of Chaos and Doom: Mortal Edition™. When Littlefinger said it, he felt a surge of pure magical power. He becomes the Deity of Pure Nonsense. All plot holes shall be expanded, all nonsensical decisions will overtake every world, and all illogical science shall be made true. From all of this chaos, Littlefinger becomes the supreme God of Chaos, Plot Holes, Illogical Idiot Plots, and Ladders.
The whole multiverse will be shaken to the core as Yog-Sothoth is weakened. Bikini bottom with alternate between photo realism, cgi, and 2d animation in the Spongebobverse. The foundation of Pemberly and the rest of England with slowly swish back and forth in the JaneAustenWithHintsOfOtherEnglishAuthorsSuchAsCharlesDickensAndElizabethBarretBrowningColeVerse. Wands will randomly give off rainbow sparks in the Potterverse. The Underground will shake in every Undertale AU ever, and booksnobs of our universe will all have a mild headache, following by palpitations and the craving to eat swiss cheese. Every other universe will have some weird change caused to them. All beings, from the smallest water bear, to the most mammoth sunflower, to the most clueless human, will have some sense of something in the universe being off.
But, out of this chaos will rise the hero to save all. A hero who will use her emotional intelligence to stop Littlefinger from making the universe into a giant Idiot Plot. This hero is none other Arianne Martell.
There is one last shocking twist. Something that will blow away your perceptions about everything you thought about the story George R.R. Martin was writing. Arianne Martell is none other than a secret Blackfyre! You heard it here first folks.
The secret lies in where the Blackfyre female line ended. It ended, of course, in the free cities. And where is Arianne’s mom from? Norvos. A free city. From her mother Arianne gains secret King’s Blood. This King’s Blood will set off a wild chain reaction that lets her defeat and subdue Littlefinger.
When Littlefinger takes over, Arianne will be chilling in Sunspear with her dad eating soup with spicy peppers and talking about Dornish stuff like what ever the Daynes are up to and how messed up their image is to the rest of Westros. When Littlefinger takes over though, Arianne senses a disturbance in the force. (The combination of Targ and Dorne blood made her force sensitive don’t you know.)
As the multiverse shakes, she is suddenly in-tuned to everyone in the universe by the law of narrative causality and her intense inner feelings. She is linked to every person in the world and emphasizes with the worry they all feel. She starts to worry about her father, her brother, and all of Dorne. This emotional worry translates itself into pure emotional magic by means of her magical King’s Blood. She feels the weight of the multiverse on her shoulders, and she rises up to the challenge.
She changes form into a magical and ethereal being known as Mega Martell, the Emphasizer. Using her complex emotional intelligence, she twists the world around her, and brings herself to fight Littlefinger.
The law of narrative causality then forces them both in a mental battle of wits in metaphysical realm that looks like something from an M. C. Escher, Picasso, Wang Ximeng, Walt Disney, Ken Sugimori, and Marina and The Diamonds art collab.
Then they argue. It’s basically something like this.
LF: Chaos is the only way. Ladders!
MM: What about people. They matter too!
LF: But Ladders!
MM: There must be a way for you to understand!
Then Mega Martell realizes the only way to make Littlefinger stop. She looks into his heart and her mind is then made up. She then walks up to Littlefinger and hugs him. He then starts to cry.
LF: No one’s hugged me for years.
MM: Sometimes we all need a hug.
LF: ‘Crying intensely’
MM: There there. Its okay.
LF: I’m so sorry.
MM: Its okay. I forgive you.
LF: I…I promise to make everything right.
MM: Yes, please, give us a happy ending.
LF: I…I will. I will help you make it better.
MM: Yes. I understand.
It is then that Littlefinger stands back and releases his powers out into the universe. Arianne sucks it in like a vacuum cleaner as magic is drawn to King’s Blood like moths to a deadly, warm, unforgiving light. She then uses up all of her power to make every man, women, child, and Magical Girl get their happy ending!
A huge and sudden flash of Octarine light occurs and envelopes everything.
It is then in the series finale that all plot threads are weaved into a cohesive conclusion. Varys and the Merpeople triumph over and make peace with Cthulhu. The seven kingdoms are united under a peaceful democratic rule. Jon sits at Winterfell as its Lord. Sansa goes on tour with Lady Gaga, using her voice to help others. Bran, Arya, and Rickon immigrate to the Pokéuniverse and use their warging abilities to become ultimate Pokémon masters. Littlefinger trains to be a wizard at Unseen University and thrive on the chaos there. Melisandre travels the multiverse to understand its true nature by interacting with others. Brienne travels across various worlds to help those who need it and becomes the protagonist of a very popular young adult fiction series. Arianne goes on to be the ruler of Dorne and unofficial queen of awesome. And in the shows final moments, just like the amazing Legend of Korra, the series ends with a marriage.
The marriage is between two very special people, Jack Sparrow and Daenerys (Khaleesi) Targaryen Stormborn.
And it all ends happily ever after.
Huh? Ever still, even after my in depth analysis, it doesn’t make sense to you. The series can’t go off the rails like that! Too late.
Predictions courtesy of Crag the Crystal Ball