Thursday, December 7, 2023

Scent Saturday – By Kilian’s “Dark Lord”

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(WARNING: Spoilers for the entire Harry Potter series ahead)

Have you ever been casually watching Harry Potter and thought, “oh boy, I wish I could smell Voldemort?”

Of course you have.

Here’s a little known fact: Voldemort’s greatest accomplishment was not flying through Hogwarts as every teacher’s pet. It was not raising an evil army with a fantastic logo. It was not even resurrecting as slimy Ralph Fiennes. No, the Dark Lord’s greatest accomplishment was the destruction of his own nose, for reasons that will be revealed shortly.

Another little known fact: in the Harry Potter universe, perfume houses are founded by wizards that miss the glory days of being in a Hogwarts house. Some of the connections are obvious – Hagrid going on to found Zoologist, Gilderoy Lockhart creating Creed – but some are less so. By Kilian was founded by Professor Trelawney after she was finally fired.

With an obsession with crystal, good design sense, and completely unreliable judgment, Trelawney was destined to create By Kilian, though of course, she did not foresee it. As an aging alcoholic, Trelawney created booze-inspired fragrances to fill her gorgeous bottles. The scents were consistently mediocre. But the bottles were enchantingly beautiful, and the perfumes sold anyway. By Kilian grew in power and prestige even as its scents became more and more hideous.

In a fit of late-night inspiration, Trelawney set out to create the impossible. She had once smelled Voldemort on accident as he passed by during The Battle of Hogwarts to kill a particularly annoying Gryffindor brat, and the scent had never left her mind.

The smell of the Dark Lord is many things. It is unnaturally smooth, morally dubious. Most of all – it is sensually repulsive. In her laboratory, Trelawney began to reassemble the scent with little-used accords. An astoundingly generic leather note, yes. The world’s least textured vetiver, perfect. And of course, several shots of bottom-shelf rum to complete the composition. It was perfect – matching her memory exactly. And in that moment, Trelawney understood why Voldemort had destroyed his own nose. No being could take in that smell more than two minutes and live.

In our universe, the scent is the same. You might recognize it as Cheap Gym Mat Plastic. If the evening is magical, though, you might find yourself getting a whiff of You-Know-Who. No one will blame you for cutting off your nose in response.

That said, if you absolutely must get your nose on Dark Lord, sample first! You can order a sample from Luckyscent (when they’re back in stock). If you don’t want to wait on Luckyscent, you can swing by the Perfumed Court.

 

The Fandomentals “Fragdomentals” team base our reviews off of fragrances that we have personally, independently sourced. Any reviews based off of house-provided materials will be explicitly stated. 

 

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Author

  • Jade

    Jade is the Lifestyle Editor at the Fandomentals, where they obsess over perfume and underground music. Their wacky poetry is floating around the internet - beware! Follow them for fragrance and poetry content @johndarrextreme on Instagram.

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