Monday, July 15, 2024

Its Not Over Until the Swan Thong Plays

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Legends come and Legends go, but there will always be chaos to welcome us home.

After the Legends’ crossover revolt, the cracks in the Fates’ ‘perfect’ world are starting to show. Charlie catches someone spraying painting ‘blue mush sucks’ on her way to meeting her sisters. With the Legends out, it’s only a matter of time until their influence spreads.

Speaking off, the Legends themselves are on a two-pronged mission to locate and destroy the loom and find the Waverider. The Loom team runs into some fans. They trade autographs for inconspicuous clothes. The Waverider team runs into Mona and Gary who have an idea of where the Waverider might be. The forbidden dump, which is like a regular dump but the Fates junked anything fun that might remind people free will is a good thing and give them a reason to revolt.

Gary and Mona, always there to bring the cheer, even when they don’t know everything happening.

They find the Waverider, but Gideon is missing. Without Gideon to handle the flying, they need something else to handle the power conduction from take-off. Luckily the person who can turn into a giant hunk of steel is on their team. With Nate as a giant conductor, they get the ship flying.

Meanwhile, the Fates realize the Legends are out when one of their subjects mentions the crossover and they see others dressed in the Legends clothes. Atropos sets off to find them.

Elsewhere in the building, the Loom team find their target, leaving John and Astra to destroy the Loom while Sara stands guard. John needs Astra’s help to produce enough magic to destroy the Loom. She’s not sure since she picked up magic in Hell. He asks her to think of her mother to channel the magic. It works, until Natalie’s image is replaced by Lachesis in her mind.

Atropos ambushes Sara, recognising Sara’s blindness was caused by their last fight. Sara uses her powers to fight Atropos. She claims Sara’s powers come from her, so she can never hope to defeat her. But Sara’s real strength has never been future sight nor her assassin skills. It’s always been her connection to her loved ones.

It would just be rude to kill her again so soon.

With help from Behrad and Zari, Atropos is blasted into the Loom. Sara, realizing if her powers come from the cutter of threads maybe she can manipulate the threads herself. She ties Atropos in the Loom and both explode as the Legends flee in the Waverider, jumping away.

They crash in a trash dump which makes it hard for Sara to see where or when they are. But wait, Sara can see again. Her powers are gone now that Atropos is dead. But on the upside, she can see Ava, so a fair trade-off.

They venture off the Waverider to find out if the world is back to normal. Things look normal at first, learning they jumped a few months into the future. But then people around them keep asking their ‘Fate’ watch on what to do so things aren’t fixed. Lachesis seems to have put the Loom back together and somehow connected to smartwatches.

On the ship, Zari 1.0 and Behrad are working on the Waverider when Behrad gets a flash of when he dies in the alternate timeline. As if seeing one’s own death isn’t awkward enough Behrad mistakes Zari 1.0 for his Zari. Awkwardness abound, the two can agree it’s weird Zari 2.0 is hooking up with Constantine. Mick, Lita, Mona and Gary find the Waverider filling in Zari 2.0 on some of the things that happened since they broke the Loom.

The Legends return to where they found the Loom but it’s a history museum now, displaying the worst History has to offer, weaponizing it against the masses to discourage free will. They walk through the Hall of Bad Ideas, featuring things like the flat earth theory, glitter and cigarettes. The Thong Song is there too which is all Nate need to see to know Lachesis is way off base on what’s wrong with the world.

Face I missed.

Next, they check out the Hall of Villains, featuring the who’s who of history’s worst, ranked for convenience. There are some familiar faces among the displays like Marie Antoinette (Cortney Ford cameo!), oh and they’re there also. Ranked #2, labeled god killers.  The top spot is reserved for Clotho herself. Charlie’s terrified when she sees them, scared about Lachesis finding them. She’s listening to her Fatewatch like the rest of masses, leaving the Legends no choice but to knock her out. Charlie, the Loom breaker, the truest believer in free will, was made to believe every blight on humanity was because of her.

They try to snap Charlie back to herself with examples of how free will has been good, music was created, Mamma Mia 2 exists, a clone and former assassin can fall in love. The Legends a group of people so different they never should have met but here they all are, a time-saving family. But’s Lachesis’ hold on Charlie is too much, none of their arguments breakthrough. Meanwhile, Astra’s having a conflict of identity. She let herself be lured in by Lachesis, believing she betrayed her mother’s identity.

I spy a stealth Beebo.

The dynamic trio of the Zaris and Behrad are working on finding the Loom. Using a Fatewatch, they track the signal to its source.  At the source, they don’t find the Loom but Gideon. Or at least stripped down version of her, forced to run the program that controls everyone.

Realizing the Loom was destroyed and Lachesis’ control is nothing but an illusion they come up with a plan to expose her. At the Museum Lachesis is presenting the exhibits, showing the people the suffering she’d stopped and the villains who plagued the past. But when she presents Clotho, it’s someone else in the chair. Astra, who for the first time, stands up Lachesis. Lachesis may have raised her and protected her in Hell, but not without making Astra feel indebted to her. She knows now that a mother, a real mother wouldn’t ask for anything in return.

Does it count as two brains are better than one when it’s technically the same brain?

When Lachesis challenges why anyone should believe Astra the Legends reveal they were posing as their own statues. At first, the crowd is against them, but when the Zaris deactivate Gideon the crowd no longer has their watches to tell them what to do.

Lachesis, using soul coins, brings the other villains on display to life, making them attack the Legends. The best idea Sara has involves a lot of bad ones. Raiding the Hall of Bad Ideas, arming themselves shake weights, pogo sticks, cans of energy drinks and old vacuum parts, and with Sisqó’s Thong Song backing them up, the Legends head to their big battle. Without any Hell weapons to kill them the Encores don’t want to die.

Don’t call them Heroes…

On the Waverider, Lita finds Charlie sulking the hall. She gives her the pep talk the others couldn’t. Without chaos, she wouldn’t be here. Her dad traveled back in time to his high school reunion and hooked up with her mom in a closet. There’s nothing more chaotic than that and now here she is. The mess is what makes life beautiful, so Charlie’s ready to make a mess.

She shows up at the fight with their Hell weapons, ready to bring the chaos. She apologies to her Captain for being late, but Sara wouldn’t have her any other way. Charlie goes to face Lachesis while the Legends finish off the Encores.

Lachesis retreated to where she was keeping Gideon, but Gideon’s gone. Charlie finds her, calling her out for the years of abuse and control. But Charlie, like a true Legend, finds the heart to forgive Lachesis. Lachesis who only ever looked down on humanity can’t stand being without her powers, being nothing. But Charlie reminds being human isn’t nothing. She should enjoy the life she has, Charlie certainly plans to.

In the Aftermath, the Tarazi siblings are working on Gideon when Zari 1.0 joins them. Zari 2.0 thinks she’s unearthed a scandal figuring out Zari and Nate slept together, but everyone already knows, just like everyone knows about Zari and Constantine. The lovely sibling bonding is rudely interrupted by Behrad’s wound from the timeline he died in showing up.

Zari 1.0 realizes her being there is causing the two timelines to merge. If she stays, Behrad dies. She has to say goodbye right after the Legends got her back. Her first and hardest goodbye is, of course, with Nate. After everything, if he has to say goodbye, he’d rather it be this way, remembering her, rather than losing his memories like at Hey World.

Face I’ll miss #1.

It’s no easier for the other Legends to say goodbye. Sara says they can still find a way, but Zari’s already made up her mind. She hugs Behrad, the brother she gave everything to save. She bids her family one last goodbye and returns to the totem.

The Legends need some drinks and Charlie knows just the place. They head to 1970’s London, and Charlie puts on a performance with her old band, the Smell. Astra’s decided to give this whole human life a shot, planning on returning to her old home. She returns Constantine’s coin to him. She may not have her mother back, but thanks to the Legends, she has a new lease on life.

But alas, Zari is not the only heartbreak this night brings. After the show, Charlie walks the Legends out, but it’s not to return to the Waverider. It’s to say her goodbyes. She spent her life running from her sisters and from what she did. But with the Loom and her sisters gone, she thinks it’s about time she slows down, stay in one place. She decided to stay with the Smell.

Face I’ll miss #2

Sara reminds her the Legends are for life, they will always be there if she needs them. There’s one more family hug and the Legends and Charlie part ways. But, there’s still one more hiccup before this season closes.

Our captain, hovering behind her team as she takes one last look at Charlie, senses something strange. A spotlight grabs onto her, pulling her up into the night as her team unknowingly walks away.


Why must parting be such sweet sorrow? Bittersweet goodbyes seem the toll one pays to watch Legends. The Legends are misfits, a motley crew who takes anyone who crosses their path who needs help. But there will always be a point when someone on the Waverider stops needing help and at that point, they’re ready to say goodbye. Maisie Richardson-Sellers has been a fantastic addition to the crew for four seasons, but now, it’s time for that goodbye. As Amaya and as Charlie she changed the Waverider, helped the Legends grow as they helped her. She’s gone but never forgotten. Once a Legend, always a Legend.

And speaking of amazing performances, Tala Ashe once again gives a heartbreaking goodbye even though we won’t be saying goodbye to her. Oh, what I wouldn’t give for a world with two Zari, but alas it was not meant to be. Both Zaris are so distinctive and she portrays them each so effortlessly. Ashe had some of the knock out performances of the season.

Not only do we stay goodbye to several Legends, but we say goodbye to Legends of Tomorrow until 2021. While its Arrowverse counterparts continue to wallow in the grim and serious, Legends forges itself on stories of family and humour. Now, more than ever those stories are the ones we need.

The finale was wonderfully outrageous as a Legends finale should be. Case and point, a fight scene, with pogo sticks and shakes weights, set to the Thong Song. As a season on a whole, Legends continues to prove it’s found its stride and it’s not afraid to run.

It may be while before the Waverider returns, but when it does you can be sure the Legends will be ready to save their captain and take down any new enemy in their way.

Only Legends Could

  • The Thong Song.
  • “Are they tired from the crossover?” “What is a crossover?” Atropos, you’re better off not knowing.
  • Maybe Nate needed to take off his shirt to stop from it catching fire or maybe Zari wanted to see him shirtless.
  • Zari: “That’s not fair, I can’t keep a secret from myself.”
  • Charlie’s final song is the theme song for Mr. Parker’s Neighbourhood.
  • Sara was kidnapped by aliens… maybe the Legends could call an alien they know.
Images courtesy of the CW

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