Sunday, May 26, 2024

Legends Destroy Time… Again

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Ever since a unicorn ate a hippie’s heart on my screen every week I’ve thought, ‘There’s no way this episode of Legends can be as crazy as the last one’. Every week Legends has proven me wrong. The kind of crazy varies. Sometimes it’s murderous musical numbers, other times its three very different women bonding over Rosé in a jail cell. And if the promo for the mid-season finale is anything to go by, next week’s episode brings the crazy triple-fold.

The crazy for this episode kicks off with a surprise from Charlie. Her shapeshifting powers haven’t completely gone away. They’re not completely back either. She can only transform parts of herself. But transforming at all means that the spell Constantine placed on her might be reversible after all. She wants his help her getting her powers back. But Constantine isn’t in the helping mood.

Meanwhile, Ava discovers Mick has been using the diary of Bridgett to keep Garima around. She doesn’t know what shocks her more, that he has that kind of power in his possession, or that everyone else on the ship is okay with it. Ava takes the diary to secure at the Bureau.

Oh, Raymond, why?

The Legends learn of another fugitive in New Orleans when their breakfast conversation goes from Ray’s new moustache to the topic of a serial killer none of them has heard off, Marie Laveau. They split up into the A team and the not-B team. Constantine, Charlie and Zari set off to find Marie Laveau. Unknowingly, John already has a connection with her. The man he’s been having flashes off all season- he’s Marie Laveau’s great-great-grandson, Desmond. He’s also John’s former love and a man who got dragged to hell because a demon haunting John.

He enlists Charlie’s help to fix the past. They head to a more modern time in New Orleans before John and Des met. Charlie, pretending to be Amaya intercepts John before the meet-cute can happen. But it only delays the meeting. New memories come to John, meeting Desmond a few days later. Before they can try again, Zari and Gideon stop the duo.

Zari’s furious they would try something like that behind the team’s back. Once she learns Desmond’s story she tones down the anger and offers to look for a loophole. John’s already come up with his own loophole. Only confiding in Charlie, he sets off again to New Orleans. If he can’t change the start of their relationship, he’s going to change how it ends.

He’s almost worth breaking time for.

While Charlie and Constantine were messing the fabric of time the rest of the Legends plus Ava have been tracking down the real serial killer. They infiltrate a party at the home of one of the victims, all the while Mick and Ava are bickering because of the dairy. Ray discovers a young girl who’s scared a doll is going to kill her mother. As he’s examining one doll, another knocks him out. Dybbuk, the spirit of an evil, tortured individual possessed the doll.

Sara finds him unconscious, almost becoming a new victim for the doll, who has a thing for killing blondes.  Mick saves the day by burning it to a crisp. Back on the Waverider, the doll is placed under lock and chain. Sara’s seen enough horrors to know never take any chances.

Sara invites Ava to stay for dinner, which is really a ploy to get Ava and Mick in the same room. She tries her damned best to find the common ground between the two, but it’s a complete disaster. Ava and Mick are just plain mean to each other until Mick crosses the line with the ‘c-word’. Yes, he calls Ava a clone, and her and Sara’s relationship fake. That brings the dinner to a disastrous close.

While Sara’s apologizing to Ava afterwards she notices something amiss in the kitchen and tiny little footprints leading away from the scene. After being attacked by a doll earlier it’s not hard to guess what’s going on. Just as she says it the lights flicker out and Gideon’s system is cut off. Ava and Sara split up to check on the doll and repair Gideon respectively, even after Sara acknowledges you should never spilt-up in a horror movie.

Of course, something bad happens. Ava’s attacked. But not by the doll Mick barbecued. The spirit transferred to a new vessel. That new vessel is the Martin Stein puppet, Leo used for therapy last season. Mick once again comes to the rescue, stopping puppet Stein and getting Ava to the bridge. Ray shows up, with half a moustache, just in time to get attacked by the puppet.

This is not how I wanted the Professor back.

On top of everything else going on in this episode, there’s still more. The Time Bureau side of things follows the antics of a love triangle. Gary likes Mona, but Mona likes someone else. The Kaupe. Nate tries to play wingman for Gary. He succeeds in having a grossly misconstrued conversation about ‘man-meat’ and inadvertently pushes Mona to the Kaupe instead of his newest time pal. Mona goes to the Kaupe’s cell and they share a moment that’s equal parts sweet and weird.

Tale as old as time… or maybe it should be as weird as time.

She manages to speak his language with the help or a translator book and learns his name is Konane. But their moment is interrupted when two men in all black come into the cell. Mona hides before they notice her. They take Konane away, stuffing him into the back of a black van. Nothing good happens in a van. Mona tries to stop them, but when they advance on her, Konane attacks. In his wild mauling Mona accidentally gets hurt as well.

It’s around the time of all of this is happening that John’s back in the apartment he used to share with Desmond, pretending to be a past version of himself to break up with Des. It’s heart-breaking and painful, but it works. Desmond leaves and time changes. A time-quake of epic prepositions goes off, freezing everyone and everything in its wake.

When the quake passes the full extent of the changes aren’t seen, but Charlie has her shapeshifting powers back. Oh, also Zari is now a cat.


Constantine may have been put on the not-B team this episode, but this was his time to shine. It was obvious something’s been haunting him since he first showed up this season. But that thing being the death of his boyfriend, who Constantine had to send to hell to get rid of a demon, that’s tragic, even by Constantine’s usual standards. Matt Ryan sells the hell of it, even with only one episode to do it in. There not a drop doubt for his affections for Des. Nor is there any doubt that Desmond is a man he’s risking the world for. Unfortunately, John hasn’t been a Legend long and he’s never met Barry Allen so he’s never seen first-hand the effects one seemingly small change can have.

To balance the heart-ache of John’s story we got Mona and Konane surprisingly sweet little plot and Sara playing mediator between Ava and Mick. The Kaupe love story may have been a little out of left field for another show but on Legends it just makes me laugh with delight. Of course, that’s something the writers would do. Plus, this feels like the set for something big for Mona.

Meanwhile, Sara keeping the peace between Ava and Mick was a wonderfully grounded arc. Everyone wants their significant others to get along with their family. Sometimes, in spite of best efforts they don’t. But, even with the harsh words Mick said, he still helps her. If one thing can be said about Mick Rory is he never does anything he doesn’t want to. So, he cares in his own way. Or at least he cares that Sara cares.

Even with most of the episode devoted to the build up for the mid-season finale, ‘Hell No, Dolly’ was still a fun ride in it’s own right. You can be sure I’ll be counting the minutes until next episode.

Only Legends Could

  • I wouldn’t put it past Legends to have Ray grow a moustache, just for the gag of him shaving off half when the lights went out.
  • The Dybbuk finds the Stein puppet in a case labelled 309 MISC. The puppet first appeared in Beebo, the God of War, which was the ninth episode of season three.
  • Speaking of the Dybbuk, it was voiced by Pee Wee Herman.
  • First, they had an ‘after the monster’s defeated’ kiss, now they had the ‘we may not see each other again kiss’ even though they were confident enough to know they could stop the Dybbuk. Sara and Ava might be trying to get all the movie kiss clichés this season, which I will not complain about.
  • The whole ‘Man-Meat’ conversation was hilarious, but the favourite line of the episode goes to Gary’s “Sorry, high school is a bit of a trigger word for me.”

Images courtesy of the CW

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