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“Swooning Romances” Get Scrutinized on The Fandomentalist

Kylie

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Gretchen, Julia, and Kylie welcome Jana to chat about the that famous bodice-ripping romance in Pride and Prejudice without a hint of sarcasm. Though their thoughts on Lapidot are a good deal more earnest.

Follow us on Soundcloud, iTunes, find us in any podcast app, or subscribe to our RSS feed.

Episode breakdown:

  • 0:00 – Introduction & fandom news
  • 14:25 – What’s the deal with Pride and Prejudice?
  • 36:45 – Adaptation Maxism #2
  • 49:10 – Let’s talk Lapis Lazuli and Peridot

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Kylie is a Managing Editor at The Fandomentals on a mission to slay all the tropes. She has a penchant for complex familial dynamics and is easily pleased when authors include in-depth business details.

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The Fandomentalist Talks about Types

Kylie

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All’s fair in love and Myers & Briggs typing! GretchenJulia, and Kylie chat about how to write compelling love stories before arbitrarily subdividing characters based on personalities, morality, and vague overarching traits.

Follow us on SoundcloudiTunes, find us in any podcast app, or subscribe to our RSS feed.

Episode Breakdown:

  • 0:00 – Introduction & fandom news 12/11 edition
  • 14:15 – How to write compelling romances
  • 26:30 – Star Wars Prequels vs. Game of Thrones #8, pacing
  • 45:15 – The typing and sorting fandom

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The Carol Awards — Game of Thrones Season 7

Kylie

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Welcome Lords, Ladies, empowered Faceless Assassins, inexplicably emotionless greenseers, aspiring Maesters, plague patients, and queens who didn’t come here just to make friends. Tonight is the 3rd Annual Primetime Carol Awards, celebrating the best in dramatically satisfying entertainment. And of course as we all know, there’s only one show that can offer it to us: Game of Thrones created by the masterful showrunners David Benioff and Dan Weiss.

This show, also the notable Primetime Emmy Award winner for Outstanding Drama Series in both 2015 and 2016, truly did become something worth celebrating by its fifth season, which is when the Carol Awards earned its humble beginnings. Last year the ante was upped even more with our Season 6 Golden Carols. But this year. Season 7. Just trying to put it into words, well…let’s just say, words stop meaning anything.

It is for that reason we’re sure today’s ceremony will be a show-stopper in itself.

There are over 40 Golden Carols to hand out, but we first must take a moment to remember our namesake: the good Queen Carol Lannister. Though her final form, Cheryl Lannister, is shockingly still relatable, it was Carol who taught us how to be strong in the real way, even in the face of very real danger and adversity. We want to take a moment of silence to honor that, as every day without her, the world is a little colder. Probably from Cheryl’s minty-fresh breath.

You are missed.

But now, without further ado, it is time for the ceremony!

In interest of this page actually loading this year, all category presentations and commentary is in one podcast episode, available for listen below. You can also subscribe/listen on iTunes (the newest episode is updated in the app, even if not on the site yet), subscribe to our RSS feed, search for “Unabashed Book Snobbery” in any podcast app, or download an MP3 of this episode here (go to ‘show all’). We encourage you to follow along this post as you listen, for the truly immersive Carol Awards experience.

The introductory music is the rockin’ overture to Stephen Sondheim’s Merrily We Roll Along, with a jazzy cover of one of its songs serving as the outro, performed by Tommy Cecil & Bill Mays.

And now…your MCs…Kylie, Julia, and Caroline!

Onto the show.

Most Meta Line

  • “Maybe it really is all cocks in the end.” —Bronn, to Larry
  • “It’s difficult to explain.” —Bran, on being the Three Eyed Raven
  • “I don’t know what that means.” —Sansa, on Bran being the Three Eyed Raven
  • “Words stop meaning anything.” —Jon Snow
  • “Lady Sansa, forgive me I’m a bit confused.” —Littlefinger at his trial
  • “What happened to you, Arry?” —Hot Pie to Arya
  • “And how should I be smarter? By listening to you?” —Jon Snow to Sansa
And the Golden Carol goes to...

Most Emmy-worthy Line

  • “Nope it’s pussy for me” —Tormund
  • “I’m not here to murder, and all I want to destroy is the wheel that has rolled over rich and poor to the benefit of no one but the Cheryl Lannisters of the world. I offer you a choice: bend the knee and join me. Together, we will leave the world a better place than we found it. Or refuse and die.” —Daenerys
  • “Daenerys is a queen. Only a king can convince her to help us.” —Jon Snow
  • “Listen, if you have any advice at all, I would love to hear it. When we have an hour or two to speak as brothers. Does she like it gentle or rough? A finger in the bum? Shh, shh, shh, shh, not now. We’ll talk later.” —Euron to Larry, on sex with Cheryl
  • “The Iron Bank appreciates how you cast off the yoke of superstition, freeing the crown from elements who sought to subvert the rule of law.” —Tycho to Cheryl
  • “Safest place for me was right under the queen’s nose.” —Gendry to Davos
  • “A dynasty for whom? Our children are dead. We’re the last of us.” / “A dynasty for us, then.” —Larry and Cheryl
  • “What did father used to say? Everything before the word ‘but’ is horse shit.” —Jon Snow
  • “I’ll tell you what doesn’t scare me: bald cocksuckers like you. You think you’re fooling anyone with that top knot? Bald cunt.” —Sandor to Thoros
  • “Be a dragon” —Olenna to Dany
And the Golden Carol goes to...

Finest Fanservice Award

  • Lyanna Mormont’s feminist speech on not knitting socks
  • Ed Sheeran’s cameo
  • Davos cracking rowing jokes to Gendry
  • Jon calling Dany “Dany”
  • The Sand Snakes’ brutal deaths
  • Bronn talking about Pod’s “magic cock”
  • Bait-and-switch for Littlefinger’s death
  • Tyrion joking about how well Jon broods
And the Golden Carol goes to...

Best Trip Down Ned Stark Memory Lane

  • Jon telling the Northern Lords that Ned believed “the man who passes the sentence should swing the sword.”
  • “What did father used to say? Everything before the word ‘but’ is horse shit.” —Jon to Sansa
  • Littlefinger telling Jon how cool it was that both he and Ned loved Catelyn
  • Arya recalling the time Ned slow-clapped for her
  • Arya recalling what Sansa wore as Ned was beheaded
  • Gendry bonding with Jon over Ned and Robert being friends
  • “Your father wanted to execute me.” —Jorah to Jon
  • Jon telling Theon that Ned was more of a father to him than Balon
  • Beric telling Jon that he doesn’t look like Ned and must favor his mother more
And the Golden Carol goes to...

Best Trip Down Game of Thrones Memory Lane

  • Tyrion/Jorah slavery’s bonding
  • Nymeria (the direwolf) existing again
  • Gendry/Davos’s reminiscence about rowing
  • Sandor/Brienne’s reminiscence about their fight
  • Littlefinger digging up the dagger used against Bran
  • Littlefinger digging up the letter Sansa wrote while under duress
  • Jon and Tyrion’s reminiscence about Tyrion peeing off The Wall
  • Daenerys recalling Varys’s past alliances and attempted murder
And the Golden Carol goes to...

Arya certainly enjoyed this trip down memory lane, as it helped back up her anti-Sansa forum posts.

Best Dressed Award

  • Cheryl’s Queensguard’s space-Nazi uniforms
  • Euron’s rockin’ leather jacket and guy-liner
  • The Dothraki stuffing little bits of fur into their belts for the winter
  • Daenerys’s shaved rabbit (or shaved Ghost?) coat
  • Ellaria’s bathrobe of sex appeal
  • Sansa’s dress with the belt that represents how she’s unapproachable
  • Prince Ragger’s Viserys cosplay
  • Cheryl’s battle cardigan (and tiara!)
And the Golden Carol goes to...

Finest Wig Award

  • Sansa’s dyed Margaery wig
  • Daenerys’s wind-proof dragon-riding wig
  • Cheryl’s fashion-icon wig (mimicked by her maids!)
  • Prince Ragger’s Viserys wig
And the Golden Carol goes to...

Most Stylish Plot Armor

  • Jon surviving his plunge into freezing waters while wearing furs
  • Drogon not being targeted by the Night’s King
  • Jaime getting knocked out of the way of dragon fire into a puddle/river, and ending up on the opposite side of the bank
  • Tyrion spectating a battle for fun
  • Grey Worm & the Unsullied remaining unharmed at Casterly Rock after Euron’s fleet shows up
And the Golden Carol goes to...

The Award for Stunning Kingly Competence

  • Jon giving castles to two children so as to not punish the sins of their fathers
  • Jon not consulting with his advisors before publicly announcing important policy decisions
  • Jon going to Dragonstone to micromanage mining dragonglass, but not bringing anyone to mine the dragonglass
  • Jon micromanaging the wight hunt
  • Jon sailing past the North twice and not stopping in
  • Jon kneeling to Daenerys
  • Jon telling Cheryl he kneeled to Daenerys
And the Golden Carol goes to...

Most Anachronistic Moment

  • Lyanna declaring that women will fight and not sew
  • Cheryl abstaining from drinking wine because of her pregnancy
  • Tycho praising Cheryl for seeing to the separation of church and state
  • Ed Sheeran asking Arya if she’s old enough to drink
  • The guards refusing to let Arya into Winterfell because they think she’s lowborn
And the Golden Carol goes to...

“Where Am I?” Award

  • King’s Landing where everyone’s okay with the Faith having blown up (and cheer for Lannister allies)
  • North of the Wall, where water doesn’t refreeze
  • Winterfell, where Starks threaten to cut off their sibling’s face and wear it
  • Highgarden, which is easy to capture since the Tyrell’s sigil is a flower
  • Casterly Rock, which is susceptible to forces coming by sea
  • Dragonstone, where no one lives
  • The Dragon Pit, on the outskirts of town, complete with stadium seating
And the Golden Carol goes to...

Most Poetic Death

  • Littlefinger being killed with his own dagger that he randomly gave to Bran
  • Nymeria being strangled with her own whip
  • Obara getting stabbed with her own spear
  • Tyene being poisoned with lipstick
  • Ellaria being chained up to watch Tyene die before her own (implied) death
  • Benjen Coldhands sacrificing himself for…reasons
  • Thoros, the fire priest, freezing to death
  • The Dowager Sasstress drinking poisoned wine
  • All of House Frey drinking poisoned wine
And the Golden Carol goes to...

Most Empowering Moment

  • Olenna telling Daenerys to “be a dragon”
  • Lyanna refusing to provide provisions for the army
  • Daenerys telling off Tyrion for his shitty plan to save Jon from his shitty plan
  • Sansa ordering Arya to murder Littlefinger
  • Arya dismissing the Frey women before murdering their “entire House”
  • Cheryl kissing Tyene to death while Ellaria watches
  • Sam embracing his father’s words and quitting the Citadel because he’s tired of reading about the accomplishments of better men
And the Golden Carol goes to...

In case our two lighting filters didn’t help, that blue-ish blob is Sam leaving the Citadel.

The ‘Why Can’t I Stop Laughing’ Award

  • Arya gaining 6 inches of height as she cosplays Walder Filch
  • Sandor dramatically retelling his HDTV-clear visions in the fire
  • Bran and Sam info-dumping while the music swells
  • Cheryl walking on her floor map, pointing towards her enemies
  • The one wight figuring out the lake was re-frozen after Sandor threw rocks
  • Tyrion being sad at Jon and Dany having sex instead of playing Scrabble with him
  • Euron enjoying the adulation of the people of Cheryl’s Landing
And the Golden Carol goes to...

Best #Boatsex Set-up

  • When Jon and Daenerys talked in circles about kneeling
  • When Jon and Daenerys talked in circles about kneeling again, but this time Jon was allowed to mine dragonglass
  • When Davos implied that Jon liked Daenerys’s boobs
  • When Missandei and Daenerys bonded over their feelings for hot guys
  • When Jon showed Daenerys cave drawings
  • When Daenerys tried to save Jon with her dragons
  • When Daenerys and Jon held hands after he kneeled to her
  • When Daenerys told Jon he was an idiot for telling Cheryl about his kneeling to her
  • When Daenerys told Jon she respected him for telling Cheryl about his kneeling to her
  • When Daenerys and Jon breathed the same air on a boat
And the Golden Carol goes to...

Best Euron Personality

  • Jack Sparrow
  • Vicious fighter
  • Six-year-old’s Birthday Party Magician
  • Fake zombie-phobe
And the Golden Carol goes to...

The Saint Tyrion Ultimate Fan Award

  • Larry, who he convinces to go out on a limb with Cheryl
  • Varys Marx, who knows that he’s the only thing standing between us a chaos
  • Daenerys, who wouldn’t have “chosen a coward” as her Hand
  • Jorah, who remembers their fun day as slaves
  • Jon, who appreciates him not raping Sansa
  • Sansa, who appreciated not being raped by him
And the Golden Carol goes to...

Most Creative Use of Teleportation

  • Euron’s armada sailing past Dragonstone to attack Yara’s fleet
  • Euron’s armada sailing past Dragonstone to Casterly Rock to attack the Unsullied fleet
  • Larry receiving a blowjob in King’s Landing, marching to Casterly Rock to gather troops, marching them to take Highgarden, and returning to King’s Landing in the span of two weeks
  • Gendry making it back to Eastwatch in a few hours after having traveled for at least two days
  • The raven flying all the way from Eastwatch to Dragonstone in one day
  • Daenerys and her dragons flying all the way back (without Daenerys getting hurled off)
  • The Unsullied arriving at King’s Landing after being trapped at Casterly Rock
And the Golden Carol goes to...

Most Creative Use of Telepathy

  • Tyrion knowing Larry, who had fire breathed directly onto him and was then knocked into the water in full armor, was alive
  • Jon knowing Gendry, who he had just met, was the fastest runner
  • Hot Pie knowing Cheryl blew up the sept
  • Davos knowing Gendry was working in King’s Landing
  • Euron knowing where Yara’s fleet was going to be
  • Larry knowing Tyrion would take Casterly Rock
  • Bronn being in communication with Tyrion to set up meetings
And the Golden Carol goes to...

Pictured: the meeting Tyrion arranged with his obviously living brother

Best “I forgot I have amnesia” moment

  • All the smallfolk of King’s Landing having forgotten Cheryl blew up the sept
  • Jon forgetting Bran was alive the scene after he mentioned his two dead brothers
  • Everyone forgetting Cheryl was guarded by a zombie and trying to convince her with a wight
  • Euron forgetting it was Jorah, not Larry, rushing through the breach during the Greyjoy rebellion
  • Randyll Tarly forgetting Targaryens are from Westeros
  • Sam needing to see a map of Dragonstone to realize there was dragonglass there after having been told by Stannis already
And the Golden Carol goes to...

Best Prop

  • The Valyrian steel dagger from Season 1
  • Ed Sheeran’s rabbit
  • Cheryl’s floor map
  • The wight-toting backpack
  • The Dragonstone book of circled dragonglass
  • The High Septon’s diary about Ragger
  • The tiny dragon bone Jon held up for Daenerys
  • Arya’s messenger bag of faces
And the Golden Carol goes to...

Best Gumbo Ingredient

  • Jon
  • Tormund
  • Beric
  • Sandor
  • Gendry
  • Thoros
  • Jorah
And the Golden Carol goes to...

Most Plausible Impossibility

  • One lone wight not belonging to the killed White Walker that was captured
  • Gendry running all the way to Eastwatch in unfamiliar land
  • The raven flying all the way to Dragonstone in one day
  • Deadpan and her dragons flying all the way back (without Deadpan getting hurled off)
  • The Lake of Plot Convenience remaining unfrozen for most of the night
  • The Army of the Dead not noticing the Lake of Plot Convenience re-freezing
  • Jonny surviving his plunge into icy water
  • The Night’s King hitting Viserion and not Drogon
  • The Army of the Dead wrapping chains around Viserion’s corpse and dragging him out
And the Golden Carol goes to...

Best Course at Maester College

  • Chamber pot cleaning
  • Book stacking
  • Soup slopping
  • Cleaning up after autopsies
  • Feeding plague patients in boxes
  • Copying books as a punishment for healing people
And the Golden Carol goes to...

Would these scrolls stay uncopied if he hadn’t cured an incurable disease?

The Award for OOC Excellence

  • “Cersei Lannister”
  • “Jaime Lannister”
  • “Tyrion Lannister”
  • “Varys”
  • “Davos”
  • “Arya Stark”
  • “Bran Stark”
  • “Sansa Stark”
  • “Brienne”
  • “Jon Snow”
  • “Daenerys Targaryen”
  • “Ellaria Sand”
  • “Yara (Asha) Greyjoy”
  • “Olenna”
  • “Sandor”
And the Golden Carol goes to...

Most Duplicitous Sansa Action

  • When Sansa suggested not giving castles to the Karstark and Umber children so they could reward those who sided with them in the Battle of the Bastards
  • When Sansa suggested not tearing down the old Umber and Karstark castles, per Royce’s suggestion
  • When Sansa told Jon not to go to Dragonstone since he could easily get taken prisoner
  • When Sansa took care of grain stores and armor-making
  • When Sansa told Bran that he was the rightful Lord of Winterfell
  • When Sansa looked slightly concerned after Bran confirmed Arya murdered people
  • When Sansa had an expression on her face while watching Arya and Brienne duel
  • When Sansa told the weather-vane Lords that she didn’t want to be their queen and they should wait for Jon
  • When Sansa looked scared as her sister threatened to cut off her face
  • When Sansa told Arya she was the bravest person she knew
And the Golden Carol goes to...

In fairness Arya only suggested that she *could* murder her and take her place as Lady of Winterfell, not that she *would.*

Best Use of Canonical Minor Character

  • Sandor becoming a fire-reader
  • Melisandre going to Dragonstone to theory-craft and then leave
  • Thoros dying of hypothermia
  • Beric bonding with Jon over dying
  • Gendry coming back to go on the wight hunt
  • Bronn overcoming his greed to fight a dragon
  • Jorah being forgiven by Jon for slaving and offered Longclaw
  • Randyll and Dickon Tarly getting roasted alive
  • Tycho complimenting Cheryl for her keen rulership
And the Golden Carol goes to...

Best Use of Resources

  • Nymeria showing no interest in Arya for one scene
  • Cheryl’s map set-piece
  • Casterly Rock
  • Highgarden
  • Zombie polar bear
  • Zombie!Viseron
And the Golden Carol goes to...

Most Vengeful Revenge

  • Cheryl kissing Tyene to death while Ellaria watched
  • Arya poisoning all of House Frey
  • Sansa sentencing Littlefinger to death
  • Sandor threatening his zombie brother
And the Golden Carol goes to...

The “They Contributed So Much” Award

  • Melisandra
  • Missandei
  • Grey Worm
  • Davos
  • Maester Slughorn
  • Brienne
  • Olenna
  • Thoros
  • Beric Dondarrian
And the Golden Carol goes to...

The “devil is in the details” Award

  • The Iron Bank of Braavos didn’t want the slave trade disrupted
  • The Golden Company is happy to fight for the Lannisters
  • A girl replaced Walder Frey for two weeks and nobody noticed
  • A siege on King’s Landing is more humane than a direct, targeted attack
  • Daenerys needs a truce with Cheryl because otherwise she’d lose “gains” that never existed
  • Daenerys is a “foreign invader” despite being born in Westeros and using her family’s name and history there to defend her claim
  • Cheryl inviting Euron to King’s Landing knowing a marriage proposal was coming, only to reject said proposal
  • Jon insisting on going to Dragonstone to mine dragonglass, but not bringing anyone to do it
  • Tywin built Casterly Rock and there were no sewers before Tyrion
  • The wight moot was fully arranged before the mission to capture it took place
  • Ragger was able to annul his marriage and marry in secret despite having two legal heirs
And the Golden Carol goes to...

Most Go-Go-Go Moment

  • Daenerys taking five minutes to walk through the vacant Dragonstone
  • The entire sequence of Arya being told she wasn’t allowed into Winterfell for no reason and then sneaking in anyway
  • Arya and Brienne’s duel
  • Davos trying to talk his way out of King’s Landing using fermented crab meat
  • The 30 minutes of walking and talking in various combinations before capturing a wight
  • The 30 minute long wight moot
And the Golden Carol goes to...

Best Reunion

  • Hot Pie and Arya
  • Sansa and Bran
  • Sansa and Arya
  • Jon and Theon
  • Jon and Tyrion
  • Arya and Nymeria
  • Brienne and Sandor
  • Arya and Brienne
  • Tyrion and Jorah
  • Dany and Jorah
  • Gendry and Davos
  • Gendry and the Brotherhood without Banners
  • Tyrion and Larry
  • Tyrion and Bronn
  • Tyrion and Cheryl
  • Sam and Bran
And the Golden Carol goes to...

Most Skillful Penis Reference

  • Sandor calling Thoros a “bald cocksucker” who is apparently not fooling anyone with his topknot
  • Euron calling Theon a “cockless hound”
  • Bronn giggling at Dickon Tarly’s name
  • Tormund and Sandor discussing the etymology of various expressions for a penis
  • Bronn pontificating on the Unsullied’s willingness and capability to fight, being eunuchs
  • Bronn mentioning Pod’s “magic cock”
And the Golden Carol goes to...

The Serendipity Award

  • Dragonstone being completely empty and unlocked for Daenerys
  • Sam stealing the one journal from the Restricted Section with the secrets of Jon’s parentage
  • Sam stealing the one book from the Restricted Section that mentioned dragonglass on Dragonstone
  • Sam finding a wiki-how to cure greyscale
  • The one wight being left alive after the White Walker was cut down
  • Bran not having looked into the past after figuring out Jon’s parentage last season until Sam prompted him in the finale
And the Golden Carol goes to...

Most Classic Cheryl Moment

  • Commissioning a giant map so she could walk around and disparage her enemies
  • Killing Tyene while making Ellaria watch
  • Giving Larry a blowjob right after killing Tyene
  • Letting her maid see her and Larry in bed together
  • Lying to Jon about helping him fight the army of the dead
And the Golden Carol goes to...

Most Relatable Cheryl Moment

  • When she tried not to process Tommen’s death
  • When she refused Euron’s marriage proposal because he’s a kinslayer who can’t be trusted
  • When she forgave Larry for a secret meeting because she found out she’s pregnant
  • When she refused to agree to a plan where her enemies will decimate her in the end
  • When she explained the definition of “conspiracy” to Larry
And the Golden Carol goes to...

Perhaps she realized there was no point to the truce too?

Most Compelling and Unproblematic Ship

  • Deadboard (Jonerys)
  • Tormund/Brienne
  • Larry/Bronn
  • Larry/Cheryl
  • Sansa/Batfinger
  • Sam/Gilly
  • Maisie Williams/Ed Sheeran
  • Euron/Cheryl
  • Yara/Ellaria
And the Golden Carol goes to...

When does your auntie and nephew ever?

Best Season 7 Fandom Name Award

  • The Brotherhood with Vague Continuity
  • Vincent Expendable (the gumbo ingredient that died)
  • Branbot 1000
  • The Wind-Vane Lords (Northern Lords)
  • Cherry Bomb (Larry + Cheryl’s fetus)
  • Eurovision (Euron)
  • Prince Ragger (Rhaegar)
  • Lady Liability (Lyanna)
  • The Abandoned Isle of Sexual Tension (Dragonstone)
  • The Plot Convenience Pond (the pond north of the Wall)
  • Oldtown State (the Citadel)
And the Golden Carol goes to...

The “creatively it made sense because we wanted it to happen” Award

  • Daenerys facing no resistance (or people) when arriving at Dragonstone
  • Tyrion splitting up all of Daenerys’s troops as his battle strategy
  • Euron destroying Yara’s fleet
  • Sam curing Jorah of greyscale
  • The Unsullied taking Casterly Rock
  • Larry having been to Casterly Rock already, leaving it with Lannister forces, and taking Highgarden off-screen
    Euron’s fleet trapping the Unsullied at Casterly Rock
  • The Lannister gold making it back to King’s Landing, but the Lannister forces still getting destroyed by Daenerys
  • The wight capturing mission to convince Cheryl
  • The wight moot
  • Zombie!Viseron
  • #Boatsex
  • The Wall coming down thanks to Zombie!Viseron
  • Arya, Bran, and Sansa punking Littlefinger (and the audience!)
And the Golden Carol goes to...

The Carol Award for Most Egregious Nomination Oversight

  • Category: Most Realistically Depicted Culture
  • Meera in “They Contributed so much”
  • Ragger/Lyanna in “Most Compelling and Unproblematic Ship”
  • Chatting about Deadpan’s fertility problems in “Best #boatsex setup”
  • ‘Robert’s Rebellion was built on a lie,’ in “Most Emmy-Worthy Line”
  • Category: Most Nonsensical Bran Line
  • Theon kicking a dude in the balls in “Most Empowering Moment”
  • Category: Most Touching Declaration of Familial Love
  • Brienne and Larry in “Best Reunion”
  • Category: The Blackfish Award for Excellence in Disappearing and No Longer Being Relevant
  • Jon and Benjen in “Best Reunion”
  • Category: Best Resolution of Trauma
  • R+L=J being brought up even though no one cares about succession anymore in “The Devil is in the Details”
And the Golden Carol goes to...

(Our choice in title for “Best Resolution of Trauma”)

***

Well, that is all, folks. Our table is now Golden Carol-less, and our winners are surely heading home with an extra spring in their steps. Thank you for participating and making the Carol Awards what they’ve been. We can’t wait to see you after Season 8, but until then, you can sport your love of dramatic satisfaction with some of our new merch:

Kylie and Julia will also be diving back into Season 7 to bring you even more retrospectives, as we’re sure that after this ceremony you’re champing at the bit to discuss the thematic significance we experienced. Stay tuned!


Images courtesy of HBO

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It’s bad, but it’s not BAD bad…

Thaddeus

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We talked about how dumping on older films for using effects & styles that have… let’s say “aged” is a shit thing to do, but what about movies that are bad. But that we like. But that are bad.

Inspired by Jeremiah’s sizzling take on Justice League, BENEATH THE SCREEN OF THE ULTRA-CRITICS presents:

“It’s bad, but it’s not BAD bad…”

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