Emerald City opens as all timeless tales of wonder do, with a woman covered in blood and carrying a backpack full of baby emerging from a cornfield. It has all the room in the world to continue burning your expectations, so buckle right the fuck up.
Emerald City is NBC’s new drama (?) based on the Wizard of Oz that has risen to take the throne of the currently crumbling (or at least expiring) empire that is Game of Thrones. Unfortunately, it only seems to know the general vicinity that throne was in. It has literally no idea what it is doing besides its tone. I guess the best term for it is a gritty re-imagining, but I feel like that’s giving them more credit than they are due for understanding the source material. Or at the very least understanding the audiences’ understanding of the source material. Notable edgy differences include drone technology, crucifixion, and whorehouses. I’m not going to lie, I had to open up a bottle of alcohol to get through this.
The premiere opens with a woman wondering out of a cornfield with a baby in a backpack, speckled with blood. She approaches a farmhouse and rings the doorbell until the family opens up. She then proceeds to say things to them that are unintelligible, but somehow conclude with her passing ownership of a child on to them. I guess they always really wanted one, and this was quicker than adoption. I’m not in the market for a child, so who am I to judge?
The show immediately jump cuts to 2o years later. The family in this farmhouse has managed to construct a barn, on top of the cost of raising a child. The child is revealed to be Dorothy Gale, who has some strange dot birthmark on her hand. She works as a nurse at what I thought was an old folks home, but is so shiny and new looking that I believe I’m supposed to think it’s a hospital. It has more than one floor, and I know that’s a big no-no with old people because stairs can be hard, so I’m going to assume it’s a hospital. Dorothy has a conversation with a doctor that amounts to “I wish we could get to know each other,” deftly countered with “I only got time to fuck.” I bet you will never guess who says what. I doubt it will ever matter. Dorothy also steals some prescribed medication from an old woman under the guise of offering to help her clean up nail polish. Our hero, ladies and gentlemen.
The scene progresses to Dorothy back home at her family’s farm, chatting with her mother in English and her father in Spanish. Her father is sick with something, so that’s why she stole that medication from the hospital. Why she couldn’t afford the medication on a nurse’s salary while still living at home is beyond me, but I’m no economist. I also am starting to develop a severe sense of dread that getting hung up on the details now is going to be the death of me later.
Dorothy bonds with her mother, and talks about how she’s been low-key stalking her real mom who lives in a trailer park in town. Adopted mom suggests Dorothy go talk to her biological mom. Dorothy complains that she can’t because she “wish[es] [she] was more.” I would kill to have a nurse’s salary right now—their unions kick ass. But whatever. Dorothy gets herself hyped up enough to go finally confront her real mom after twenty years, despite her apparently living down the street in a trailer park.
She walks outside and sees a giant storm on the horizon. And then, and this is the most absurd part of the episode to me, a woman who has grown up in tornado country for her entire fucking life hops in her truck to go do a task she could easily accomplish tomorrow. After looking at a giant storm on the horizon. I lived in Kansas in high school, and I spent the night at friends’ houses just because the wind was a little too indicative of tornado weather. This is a bullshit moment. Go back inside Dorothy, have you never seen Twister?
Dorothy arrives at her mother’s trailer park house to find the door blown open. Also, there’s a dead body inside, but the show doesn’t seem to give much of a shit about it, so neither will I. Dorothy runs into the tornado shelter next to the mobile home to tend to her slightly injured mother. I now realize that I did not absorb this woman’s name, even though I think she’s supposed to be important…I hope I can be somewhat forgiven. Maybe they’ll mention her again in a future episode. Mom tells Dorothy not to trust the cops, but Dorothy runs out of the bunker to ask the cops for help anyway.
Cops are a respectable breed, I honestly think, especially in small towns where they know almost everyone. Since this takes place in a town of 393 residents, I’m assuming the cops’ first instinct is not to pull their gun on someone who walks up to them loudly yelling for help. This being television, the authority figure deserving of trust in this scene will of course point his gun at Dorothy’s face while being completely oblivious to his surroundings. This allows a tornado to sneak up on him like it’s Jason Voorhees. What can I say, it happens to the best of us.
Long description short, Dorothy hops in the cop’s car, gets picked up by a tornado, and slams into the Wicked Witch of the East so hard it sets off her airbags. Also, there is a police dog in the backseat. That is not an important detail, because the show only wants that dog to exist for one joke. That joke is that “Toto” is the Munchkin word for “dog.” Har-har.
Dorothy manages to excavate herself from what I assume is a major concussion and pilfers the trunk of the car, finding a “Kansas Police” jacket (this is of course factually inaccurate; Kansas has no police) and a handgun properly stored in a first aid kit. She then sets off on a journey that I’m sure old fans and new will find engrossing.
Or not. She is immediately found by dirty children (who look a little like Wildlings) and decides that she’ll just follow their muttering asses wherever they should happen to lead her. In any other medium, this would be the opening murder scene before introducing the real protagonist.
Dorothy is instead lead to a Munchkin village. They’re called something else, but they’re goddamn Munchkins, fuck this show. Some of the Munchkins shout at her in a language I don’t understand for a while, and then one of them just ups and starts speaking English. This is not explained. That’s is a common thread throughout this episode. People will randomly speak what I assume are gibberish languages, and then someone else will just start speaking English.
The English speaking Wildling asks Dorothy if she’s a witch. You see, everyone knows only a witch can kill a witch, and they already found the Witch of the East’s body and put it on a big shrine in the middle of the village and started dancing around it. Dorothy has been here for what feels like fifteen minutes. No, I don’t understand how this was managed. Dorothy of course objects to being a witch. Cue hilarious waterboarding sequence (now with more torture racks made from skeletons).
The next scene pans in on the most Game of Thrones-looking CGI city I’ve ever fucking seen, to the point that I think Game of Thrones might have room to sue. We see Vincent D’Onofrio, who is better than this (I think? He did do Jurassic World…and Law & Order…but man, he was excellent in Daredevil) playing a random organ. He is the Wizard of Oz. Some woman stand behind him waiting to deliver bad news. He knows they’re there to deliver bad news, cause he read the script.
Apparently the flying monkeys in this iteration are going to be drones. Oh joy. They tell him that a drone picked up something falling out of the sky. He is upset by this and dispatches knights to find out what it was. These knights will be your filler for this 80 minute premiere. They will drain my goodwill more than anything else in this debut episode.
Dorothy is now being walked along the Yellow Brick Road by the Wildling who speaks English. Apparently the Yellow Brick Road is yellow because poppies fall on it, meaning you’re high just all the time you walk on it. My type of road. Mr. Wildling casually mentions that the village chose to exile her, but he wanted her executed. Thank goodness they decided to make him walk her to the border on the honor system. The “Beast Forever” is mentioned for what will not be the last time, but will be the only time they say it in a context that doesn’t make “Forever” seem like an adverb to the next word in the sentence. I’m assuming someone thought it was clever in the writer’s room. It’s actually asinine.
The Wicked Witch of the West is introduced in a sex scene, and then they double down on the sex=empowerment motif by having her get it on in a brothel that she runs. I’m not sure what they’re going for, but whatever. This show did not have enough material for a two hour premiere.
Dorothy is on her own traveling the Yellow Brick Road in the next scene, except for when Dog materializes in a shot to let you know he’s still a thing. She then comes across the highlight of the trailer, Sexy Jesus Scarecrow (SJS).
I thought that was a bit heavy-handed in the trailer, but they also make a point to show that he was pierced in the side. In case you knew enough about the crucifixion story to get the gist, but still weren’t convinced.
“You okay?” is Dorothy’s first question. No, there’s still an hour of this, thanks for asking. I’m beginning to doubt Dorothy’s medical credentials. She helps Mr. Sexy Jesus Scarecrow down, and they proceed to create a sexual chemistry that’s almost unrivaled in the space of a two minute scene.
The knights of Oz are now questioning the Lollipop Guild. The Wildlings tell them about Dorothy being exiled, and but lie about the path she took for some reason. They also realize that their Witch of the East they were keeping in a closet has up and vanished when they stopped gloating over it. Cut to what I assume was supposed to be the stinger of a normal length episode—the Witch of the East glowering over Dorothy and SJS. She may not be dead, but she’s certainly fabulous.
The sexual tension between these two needs a chainsaw to get through, it’s so thick. They’re talking about nothing, sprinkled with “I try to avoid responsibility,” from the trained medical professional in the scene.
Then the Witch of the East proceeds to torture them until Dorothy tricks her into shooting herself in the face with a gun. Going off of the rule that only a witch can kill a witch, I’m assuming that gun attended Hogwarts. Based on the rapidity that Emerald City got rid of one of its only main POC, I’m starting to think that black female actors cost too much to employ somehow…Scandal must be bankrupting its studio.
The big reveal of the next scene is that the Wizard of Oz is going bald. I think that’s supposed to be emasculating or something.
Dorothy, meanwhile, gets the Witch of the East’s gloves. They have rubies on them. They are also invisible. Her and SJS do not pick up the gun they just used to save their lives. But I think it’s supposed to be in their backpack still, because people don’t find it with the body of the Witch.
Exposition happens in Emerald City about magic being outlawed. Glinda and Elphaba are catty to each other because that is what women are supposed to do when they’re in the same room, I guess. They prepare to do funeral rites for their sister. They also insult each other about being older.
The knights of Oz get some more scenes. They are now just following Dorothy’s footsteps but saying less exposition. One of them mentions they should kill their captain. He doesn’t like walking, it’s safe to assume.
Dorothy and Scarecrow are walking more again, and the major injury of a stab wound in his side is starting to cause minor health problems. That is the rest of the episode for these two. Scarecrow being sick and Dorothy trying to help him. Some knock knock jokes are thrown in. It is all abysmal.
They find an apothecary. I have no idea what her name is. I don’t think it’s even mentioned. She offers to help them when she realizes Scarecrow is part of the Oz knights because of his sword. Apparently that is a bad thing. Sexy Jesus Scarecrow does not have his memories, so he does not know. The apothecary also keeps a boy locked up in a room with a key, but locks her house door with a magical thicket. This, of all things so far, bugs me. The boy’s name is Pip, or Tim, or Pim. His only friend won’t pronounce it the same way throughout the episodes, so I don’t know. Dorothy does some basic herbal remedies, and more people ask if she’s a witch.
The Wizard’s Guard gets another scene tracking Dorothy. This will probably amount to something eventually. Not today though, I assure you.
The witches then get together to start the funeral rites for their sister, since magic isn’t outlawed for the day. The Witch of the West shows up late and high to the funeral, so based on high school hierarchy she’s supposed to be the cool one. Glinda is understandably pissed about this, what a square. A dance sequence happens, some spells are sucked out of people’s mouths, and the scene cuts back to SJS being sick.
The apothecary tries to poison Scarecrow, because apparently the Wizard’s Guard are pieces of shit. Dorothy force feeds him burnt up wood, which I’m pretty sure is not the same as activated charcoal, and he’s cured of his foaming at the mouth poisoning. They lock the door on the apothecary with a sword, then kick down Pip’s door to rescue him. He runs off with Jack.
Dorothy and Scarecrow hang out for some reason until the apothecary does crazy magic to heat up a sword, then blows up the door instead as if she was rehearsing a planned breach with her local SWAT team. She then proceeds to try and shove what I assume is more poison right into Dorothy’s mouth, while Dorothy acts like a toddler who doesn’t want to eat. SJS murders the apothecary. The scene drags on. Dorothy stops looking at him with “fuck me” eyes.
The show closes with Dorothy and Sexy Jesus Scarecrow walking down a road. SJS won’t stop screaming Knock Knock jokes at her, but she knows how stupid those are now and won’t take the bait.
The apothecary is shown twitching on the floor, which I’m sure is building to the reveal that she’s a T-1000. Pip is revealed to be a girl…a revelation that is not that dramatic to anyone who was watching the episode up until that point, but somehow still makes zero sense.
I’m so excited to suffer through next week.
Images Courtesy of NBC, Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, Angeles Entertainment Group, and Warner Bros.
Earn Tries and Fails to Stunt in Atlanta
At this point, anyone who watches Atlanta is used to Earn being treated a bit unfairly. He doesn’t ever really fit in anywhere. People treat him as lesser and take advantage of him. We saw it happen last week with Tracy. He’s a bit of a pushover and people constantly take advantage to crap all over him. Poor Earn. This week, Earn tries to use an influx of cash to stunt on people the way others stunt on him. Let’s just say it doesn’t go very well.
Failed Adventures in Stunting
Through a very upset white mom – who repeats some offensive lyrics she’s upset about right in front of her daughter, despite being upset her daughter heard them to begin with – we learn that Paper Boi has a new single. This new single gives Alfred and Earn a nice pay day. Time to celebrate.
Only Earn decides he’s going to celebrate by throwing money around to come off as a bigger deal than he is. He decides to do this basically only because of a Paper Boi fan stunting on him at the beginning of the episode.
It’s not very often that Earn comes off as a complete idiot, but he does here and then some. I get it; he faces so much shit so often that he saw a chance to dish it back out. Problem is he just isn’t someone capable of faking to make it. He tries to buy VIP tickets at a theater with a hundred-dollar bill, only to be told they don’t take bills that large, then sees an older white guy buy a ticket with one of his own. The usher just walks right over him. He goes to a club and tries to use another hundred (maybe the same one?), only to have the owner call it fake and kick him out. Desperately, Earn rents a limo and heads to the strip club with Alfred and Darius, only to have the DJ call him out and the club snatch his money away with every charge they possibly can.
To cap the night, he finds Michael Vick racing people outside the club and foolishly bets some money of his own on beating Vick.
It’s one thing to see Earn go through hard times as a product of circumstances at least partly out of his control. It’s another to see him inflict the hard times himself. Everything that goes wrong for Earn here happens because he chooses to be a prideful moron. He reeked of toxic masculinity throughout this episode, which is not normal for Earn. One guy hurt his feelings and he wanted to restore them. You can really see it in the way he refuses to let Van pay for the movie tickets instead.
He decided to value his worth based on the money he had on him and ended up looking even more like a fool than usual. You can see how he ends up bouncing back and forth between Van’s house and homelessness. Earn always came off a bit too smart for his circumstances in season 1. Atlanta’s making his failures a bit clearer this season.
Damn if it wasn’t fun in an awkward, cringing kind of way, though. The Michael Vick “race” might be a contender for Atlanta’s best ending scene.
All about That Paper Boi
Meanwhile, Alfred has a better, calmer day that seeded the possibility of even worse news for Earn; the possibility of Paper Boi getting a new manager. Along the way we got another look at Atlanta’s wonderful ability to blend different tones into a scene without anything feeling out of place.
Alfred’s time in the studio with Clark County showed him a different side of the rap game he hasn’t been a part of yet. One with connections to sponsorships, professionalism, and success. I know I mentioned last week how Paper Boi doesn’t appear to be into this for the attention, but the subtitle for this season is “Robbin’ Season”. What better way to live up to that title than having another manager steal Paper Boi from Earn?
I don’t think it is coincidence that Earn looked like such a fool in an episode where Alfred gets a look at proper management. Specifically, Earn looked like a fool trying to fake one image he can’t pull off. Just like he doesn’t seem to have any of the connections or sway to actually manage Paper Boi. He can get him some crappy gigs at radio stations. A better manager would have him raking in more dough for more enjoyable work. I can’t help but think Alfred will realize that soon enough.
Alfred even seemed to deliver a warning like this at the end to Earn. He sees how inadequate Earn currently is and how badly he failed at playing the big shot. Earn had the money to play the big shot but no idea how to actually do it. He dressed in a crappy sport coat with a crappy Coca-Cola shirt and let everyone step all over him. He looked like someone trying to play a role rather than someone who actually belonged in the role.
I can’t imagine Alfred will let Earn slide for much longer. Not when he sees how others conduct business. Earn’s only hope is that Alfred’s distaste for the consequences of greater fame win out over whatever ambitions he has.
It might also help when he sees how scary and fake Clark County and his crew were. Seriously, how does Atlanta manage to be so funny, dramatic, and terrifying, and often from line to line without skipping a beat? I can simultaneously believe that Alfred and Darius both thought of Clark County as a fake and a joke while also thinking he was completely terrifying. I just hope his entourage didn’t actually beat the hell out of that producer.
This season has a couple clear themes so far. One revolves around the growing fame of Paper Boi. He and Earn have more money, more fame, and more success than they did last season. However, it’s not playing out like they thought. Earn had money to throw around like he’s never had yet he still didn’t matter. He’s still an awkward dude struggling just to have a life with the mother of his child. Alfred has begun to matter in the Atlanta rap scene, yet it’s bringing him little more than unwanted attention from unwanted people.
Both are stuck in this awkward transition between fame and irrelevancy that so many possibly rappers never move past. It’s why I can’t help but think Earn will lose his job. He can’t take Paper Boi higher, and Paper Boi will need to go higher if he wants to remain relevant. It’s one thing to have a dream, and another to see the reality of the dream. Atlanta has tried to show those downsides a bit.
Of course, the other running theme has been about robbin’ season. Whether it’s literal theft like the season’s opening scene or Earn’s own self-inflicted theft of his newfound managing wealth, Atlanta has managed a clearer, more consistent feel to its second season. I loved the self-contained feel of the first season, but so often interesting things would happen and then be forgotten. The first season was more of a loosely collected series of stories than a connected narrative.
The second season so far has managed to have the entertaining, isolated adventures while also managing a stronger running timeline and set of events. Even if I have questions about how long Earn has suddenly been back in Van’s house. I hope Donald Glover and company keep this up. Atlanta has been really great through three episodes.
Images courtesy of FX
Gotham Reunites its Dynamic Duos
Last time we were in Gotham, Ed’s murderous side was making a return, Bruce seemed ready to give up his drunken nights, and Sophia was having tea with Lee.
We learn this week Sophia doesn’t just want to make good with her sister-in-law. She wants the Narrows to submit, along with a tax. Lee’s willing to kiss the ring, but she knows the people in the Narrows can’t afford a tax. Sophia gives her until the end of the day to give an answer.
Bruce has made his way into the city to reconnect with Alfred, asking him for help. But Alfred doesn’t want anything to do with Bruce. He’s still hurting from being fired like he was just the help.
Elsewhere in the city, Ivy attacks the bar Harvey’s working. He’s not there, but that doesn’t change the fate of the patrons that are there. Jim realizes that Harvey was the target because he was the one to kill her father. They find him at his apartment, but even the threat of Ivy isn’t enough to convince Harvey to work Jim again. He heads off on his own to find her. Using the footage from tapes Ivy sent to news outlets, Jim figures out where Ivy’s been staying. There, he runs into Selina. She was hoping to talk Ivy down. Jim warns her not to engage with her, which means Selina is certainly going to engage with her before the end of the episode.
Lee and Ed are brainstorming to figure out their Sophia problem. Lee’s willing to submit to her, but Ed doesn’t want to give in so easily. He knows there’s something Sophia must want from Lee and they just need to figure out what that is. So he enlists a crackpot team of Gotham’s finest spies, i.e. a bunch of street kids.
Bruce goes to the Siren’s club looking for Selina. After Alfred’s rejection he needs someone to talk to. Selina doesn’t have the time for him, as she’s too busy worrying about Ivy. But she does give him the signature ‘Selina Kyle’ kick in the behind he needs to pull his head out his ass.
Harvey calls Jim with a lead on Ivy, which isn’t suspicious at all considering how resistant he’d been to working with Jim only a short time before. Sure enough, it’s a trap. Ivy has Harvey under her control. She orders Harvey to kill Jim, then himself before she leaves to attend to her other plans.
Jim manages to stall Harvey long enough with some low blow comments to get close enough to knock him out. When he awakes, the toxin has worn off. He remembers enough of what she said to figure out she’s targeting Gotham’s wealthy at an event. Back at the GCPD, they learn the Wayne foundation is having an event that evening. Jim gears up with his force, but Harvey stays behind, still raw from Ivy controlling him.
At the event, Bruce is giving the opening remarks when Alfred walks in. Bruce stops reading the prepared speech in front of him and starts speaking from the heart. His speech becomes one to Alfred, an apology and admittance to what he means to him. It’s the start of a reconciliation. But when he speaks to Alfred directly, he reminds Bruce he’s more than the darkness he sees in himself. It’s still not the thing Bruce is ready to hear and he walks off, leaving Alfred. As he does, Ivy takes the stage with some armed thugs under her control in tow. Alfred, ever the hero, tries to take her out, but he gets knocked out instead.
Jim arrives just moments after she’s taken her first victim. He and the GCPD get into a firefight with Ivy’s intoxicated thugs. Bruce sees Alfred in danger and grabs the tactical gear of a passed out thug to get to him. When Bruce gets to him Alfred implores him, he can do more than just help him.
Bruce does dispatch some of the attackers, but he and Jim cross paths. He’s wearing the gear of Ivy’s men and he has a gun he just took from an attacker. Jim takes the small leap to assume he’s with the others and shoots him. The bullet hits his bulletproof vest and Bruce flees from Gordon, vanishing by the time Jim gets to the rooftop.
Back at Ivy’s, Selina has been waiting for her. She’s not there to reason anymore. Selina destroys the last of the Lazarus water. Their fight comes to a stalemate with Selina ready to kill Ivy if she tries to kill her. Ivy cuts her losses and leaves with one last warning to Selina, don’t get in the way again.
While trying to deal their Sophia problem, Ed’s also been getting more visits from the Riddler. His hallucinations have progressed outside his reflections. The Riddler now follows him around, taunting him with Lee’s death. He almost tells Lee at one point, but instead, he tries to deal with it himself. The only way he knows how to silence the Riddler is by silencing himself, permanently. He gets as far as having a noose around his neck before the Riddler offers an alternative that doesn’t involve them dying. So, he turns himself over to Arkham, preferring being imprisoned there than risk hurting Lee. But the Riddler has one more riddle for Ed. The real reason he wanted to end up in Arkham was to get close to Oswald. He calls Ed ‘Riddler’ and it’s enough to bring the personality to the surface.
Sophia and Lee meet in the Narrows. Lee tries to bargain with the dirt she has on Jim but Sophia isn’t having it. They aren’t having a meeting; it’s an ambush. Sophia’s men kill Lee’s and Sophia smashes Lee’s hand with a hammer herself. Sophia’s now the uncontested Queen of all of Gotham.
Back at the manor, Alfred is treating Bruce’s wounds, just like old times. Bruce’s actions at the fundraiser proved what his words couldn’t. He has changed and he is truly ready for help. And Alfred’s back to stay.
At the GCPD Jim does the thing he’s been trying to do for weeks. He comes clean to Harvey. He admits Sophia used him and she’s behind the Pyg. He’s also resolved to take her down.
All the Dynamic Duos are Back
Reunion brings back some of Gotham’s best pairings while establishing new rivalries. Bruce and Alfred reconciling was enviable. But I do appreciate Bruce still had a little bit of resistance in him when Alfred told him he was more than his darkness. Bruce has been trying to drown himself for the best part of the season. One fever induced future vision quest isn’t going to completely rid him the trauma of killing Ra’s Al Ghul. It was ultimately his own actions that proved Alfred’s words. Bruce chooses to put himself in danger for the sake of protecting others. It didn’t erase his darkness, just proved he could still move forward in spite of it.
Jim and Harvey’s reunion is a wake-up call for both men. Harvey realizes his lone wolf act will get him killed faster than anything else. Jim, on the other hand finally admits he betrayed Harvey for the position of Captain.
The Riddler and the Penguin’s reunion may have been the briefest of the episode but it holds so much promise. Their partnership the first time around was one of the most interesting times for both characters. They’ve always played off each other better as allies than enemies.
In a reverse of Ed and Oswald, Ivy and Selina facing off against each other as former friends brought out interesting dynamics for them both. Ivy’s villainy still feels a bit generic compared to what I’m used to on Gotham. Killing Gotham’s wealthy because they’re not eco-friendly is a bit hard to get behind. Gotham, in general, doesn’t seem like the greenest city so where is she going to stop? But her encounter with Selina did give me shades of what I’ve been wanting from her. A reconnection to her former self, even if they’re enemies now.
It also shows Selina’s genuinely good heart. She cares deeply, even if she has a coarse way of showing it. She’s been a dealt a shit hand by the city most of her life, but she destroys the Lazarus water because it’s too dangerous.
It’s clear at this point Sophia has become Jim’s opponent for this season. It feels like she could be the main antagonist for the season, but Ivy and Jerome prevent that from being a certainty right now. She was horrifically ruthless this episode, and this is after she orchestrated the murder of her father. It was hard seeing Lee get knocked down so far. Especially after she’d come into her own as the leader of Narrows. She tried to play by Gotham’s rules, just a little too late.
Next time promises more fun with duos, a Cat and Bat team up, some antics with the Riddler and Penguin, and a Jim and Sophia confrontation.
Images courtesy of Fox
Faith, Trust, Pixie Dust
Quentin and gang are off to find the Sixth Key, leaving Julia and Fen to fuck around with the fairies. But what if the fairies are the “key” to everything after all?
Quentin and Alice are still fighting over what happened in the Library. Alice insists that she is still on their side. Frustrated, Quentin relents and gives Alice the Quest Book. It turns out the sixth key is in Castle Whitespire. You know, where Eliot and Margot just got overthrown? Quentin, Alice, and Josh — Kady has gone MIA — all cross over to Fillory, onto the now flying Muntjac. Eliot and Margot are still a little bit in denial over the whole dethroning fiasco. Desperate to take Fillory back, they let the others take the lead on the whole questing bit. But they drop Q and gang off at Castle Whitespire, so that’s nice. The quest to getting the next key? Some sort of puzzle involving Fillory’s two half moons. But Josh is only able to solve it by smoking some weed.
Meanwhile, Julia and Fen are still on their saving fairies bent. Julia wants to stage a full-scale revolt, but Sky has been unable to convince the other slave fairies that they actually have magic. Even if she could, there’s still a huge catch: as long as the fairies have their collars on them, they cannot do magic without dying. Hoping to get to the bottom of it, Julia reveals to Irene McAllister that she knows about the McAllister fairies. But with the twist that Julia actually wants to catch a fairy of her own. Irene agrees to give Julia one of the collars, if Julia will bring her a fairy.
Penny is ready to contrive a new escape plan. He learns from Sylvia that there’s a weird room in the library where those who are about to “move on” from the Underworld go to spill all the secrets they never told anyone. Penny corners one of these patrons when they get, convincing them that what lies on the otherside is actually a fate worse than hell. They gives up his MetoCard to “Beyond”, just so Penny can swoop it up. Until Hades makes an appearance. You know, Hades. God of the Underworld? He and Penny have a little chat. In the end, Penny hears him out, and decides to give his sentence to the Underworld Library a shot. He gives the MetroCard to Sylvia instead.
Eliot and Margot bring the Floater Queen and King Idri on board the Muntjac to bargain for their help in retaking Fillory. They’re not having it. Turns out Loria and the Floaters are marching full-out war on Fillory. So Eliot and Margot play the last card they have: magic. Once they complete the quest, they promise to teach the gifted of the Floating Island and Loria magic. Making them just as powerful as Fillorians.
Julia and Fen zip on over to Fillory to chat with the Fairy Queen. Turns out long ago, magicians hunted down fairies on Earth into extinction. Only a few, like the Fairy Queen’s mother, escaped into Fillory to build a new world. They convince her to help them free the enslaved fairies. The McAllisters clap a collar on the Fairy Queen, and put her where the hold the rest of the slaves. But as Julia and Fen search the mansion for the machine, the McAllisters claim removes the collars, they discover it is in fact only a guillotine. The magic, which binds the collars to the fairies, is a fairy deal. A deal which can’t be broken. Except by the Fairy Queen.
As the McAllisters prepare to decapitate all their slaves for their magic essence, the Fairy Queen breaks down and ends the deal. She and the fairy slaves massacre the McAllister family. Only Irene escapes. In repayment for her help, the Fairy Queen thanks Juliet. But she also warns her: the next Key is in the Fairy Realm. And it is the only thing keeping the realm intact. The fairies will not give it to them.
The pacing of this episode was wonky. I mean, more wonky than usual. It seems like a day or two surely must have passed, between Julia’s storyline and Eliot and Margot’s. Are we expected to believe that Quentin, Alice, and Josh have been slaving over the sixth Quest puzzle for a day and a night, in secret? I liked the storyline with Julia and the Fairy Queen fine, but there were just way too much fairies in this episode.
Not to mention, I seem to have missed the part where someone screamed, “Beam me up Scotty!” Because the level of convenient teleportation in this episode was insane. How was everyone getting in between Fillory and Earth with such ease? The Quest Keys? The Fillory clock? It doesn’t even matter, because the rule established in previous episodes until now has indicated that every method of world-jumping is imprecise. It’s based on Narnia, for Christ’s sake. You might find a way to cross over, but you never know when or where you will cross over. Who decided to throw that out the window?
While I enjoyed Alice’s monologue at Quentin over his double standards, it still did ring of too little too late. Yet again. I agree. Why should Quentin get to be surly or indecisive while Alice doesn’t get a pass? Because he’s the protagonist or something?
This hearkens back a bit to the original core of The Magicians as a story. A commentary on fantasy versus expectation. And the dangers of seeing yourself as the protagonist in your world. The effect that has on those you love. Except we haven’t been on that train of thought for, what, like a season? That’s my main issue with every semblance of a character arc which has been crammed in this season. Without the context, without the time put in to these characters, these character moments just crop up like classroom motivational posters. All prose and no impact.
The Magicians is burning the candle from both ends, rushing to get to the end of the Quest. Just as they rushed to defeat the Beast. To defeat Reynard. But what they could really use is a good, slow burn.