Friday, April 12, 2024

The Walking Dead is Back. Yay?

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The word of the day, friends, is “tepid.” My general feeling about the return of The Walking Dead is “meh.”

“Oh, hey, The Walking Dead comes back tonight!”


“They’re going to war against the Saviors!”


“But! Explosions! Negan! Zombies!”


Maybe the word of the day should be “meh.”


Several different time threads were happening at once this episode. The present involved Rick and co. getting ready for war against the Saviors. Maggie is leading Hilltop, King Ezekiel is there for the Kingdom, and of course Rick has his crowd.

At first I was really upset because NO MICHONNE, but then they finally showed her saying goodbye to Rick before he heads to war. She got hurt pretty badly in the big battle, so she stayed home to help Carl organize the defenses and whatnot.

Someone please cut my son’s hair. Please. (source)

There were some inspirational speeches from Rick, Ezekiel, and Maggie. Rick and Father Gabriel had a moment. Ummmm…oh, Dwight gave them intel on all the lookouts between Alexandria and Saviorland, so they were able to take out the guards. Rick was especially brutal.

Carl, meanwhile, was out scouting for gas when he ran into a guy in serious distress. He begged Carl for help, and pretty much seemed dirty and scared. Rick frightened him off by shooting above his head, and Carl was displeased, to say the least. Rick pointed out that he might be a Savior spy, but Carl didn’t seem all the impressed by that argument. “Meh” was his overall demeanor.

This is why I would never survive the zombie apocalypse: I’d be like, “yeah he sounded nice let’s trust him!” and then I’d be dead.

In the meantime, Tara, Carol, Morgan, and Daryl were funneling a huge crowd of zombies down the highway to the Savior compound. They set charges along the way to keep the lil guys interested, and they wandered right along just like good little undead sheepies.

Y’all know what zombies look like, so here’s a still from Shaun of the Sheep instead.

When they get to the Savior compound, Negan trots Gregory out to tell everyone from Hilltop that Hilltop stands with the Saviors, and anyone who fights against them will be homeless. Like, what kind of pull does Gregory actually have left? No one cares about stupid Gregory! As proven when Jesus declares that Hilltop stands with Maggie.

The one Negan lieutenant dude is all pissed because Gregory didn’t deliver (honestly wtf???), so he pushes him down the stairs. Unfortunately he wasn’t immediately eaten by zombies, so that sucks.

The fight begins blah-blah Rick is going after Negan, but Gabriel stops him because it would be too dangerous. Rick’s group gets in their cars to escape, but Gabriel stops when he sees Gregory. Fuckin’ GREGORY!! He jumps in the car and leaves Gabriel behind because OF COURSE HE DOES.

When will karma strike this idiot down??

Gabriel makes his way through the zombie crowd until he finally finds an unlocked trailer. But he’s not alone, because Negan’s in there too. He tells Gabriel he’s about to “shit his pants,” which rings a little hollow since they’re SURROUNDED by a MILLION ZOMBIES. That could be why he shits his pants.

Jesus speaks for all of us. (source)

Elsewhere, the group infiltrates another Savior compound. They planned to take out the guards ahead of time, but the place is too surrounded by zombies. Instead they kill the guards as they go, but one of them throws a grenade. Oops. Carl leaves some cans of food and a note for the dude he met earlier. The note just says “Sorry,” but it could’ve said, “Sorry my dad’s a weird creepy asshole. Have some beans!”

Intertwined with all this was “grandpa Rick,” which seemed to take place only like 3 or so years in the future (based on Judith’s age), but Rick was like 20 years older. It looked like they were living in the Kingdom, and all was well.

There were also scenes that took place at an indeterminate time of Rick looking like 10-day-old shit and mumbling to himself. I don’t know…if the grandpa Rick scenes and these were somehow related or not, but it kind of seemed like these scenes were after the war was over and Rick got his ass kicked. Who knows! They’re trying to be ~arty and mysterious~!!



I mean, it was fine. Daryl got to blow some shit up, as he’s fond of doing in season premieres. I still love Ezekiel. Maggie’s the best. There wasn’t enough Michonne.

That’s basically what I’ve got for ya. Thin, I know. But this episode spent a lot of time doing nothing (oh what a surprise!) to set up for the big battle that pretty much went nowhere because it was just an opening salvo. They kept saying “it ends after tomorrow!”, but (besides the fact that this is a season premiere, duh) we knew it couldn’t possibly, and their plan didn’t make it look like it was supposed to. All they really did was fire a few shots and unleash some walkers.

Was that the whole plan? Really? That’s inconvenient for the Saviors, but not unmanageable.

And why did the Saviors think Gregory would convince anyone from Hilltop to lay down their arms? And they really seemed to believe it, too, and seemed really pissed when he failed. Why would one single person listen to this cowardly asshole? It was just weird, and seemed like an excuse to have him cause yet more pain-in-the-ass trouble.

Honestly, full disclosure, two things happened to me this episode: 1, I completely lost interest about halfway through and had to rewind to figure out if I’d missed something because it was literally just a mob of zombies going after the Saviors, and 2, I forgot to watch the last 5 minutes until later. And I didn’t even realized I hadn’t watched it until I saw some gifs on tumblr of scenes I didn’t recognize.

It was just more grandpa Rick and 10-day-old shit Rick, sooo…

I guess this is supposed to mean something, and I’m sure they’ll answer these questions in time, but to be honest, this show hasn’t earned my patience. They pull nonsense all the time and don’t follow through, or follow through poorly, so like. Why should I be patient with them??

Also I miss Glenn. Maggie deserves to have her husband with her. Glenn deserved better!

Honestly I keep waiting for The Walking Dead to win me back, and by now I think they’re not going to. Miracles happen every day, though, right??

Things I need going forward:

  • More Michonne
  • More Maggie
  • More Ezekiel
  • More tiger!!!
  • Daryl to get his goddamn hair out of his goddamn face
  • Far less Negan. Far less. No Negan. No Negan is good!!

Images courtesy of AMC

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